mike pence
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Mike Pence Once Snitched on His College Frat for Having a Keg Because He’s Mike Pence
My mom once worked at the mall managing the Santa booth. It was the holiday season and I’d come to see my mom, who had begun to hate her job. When I walked over to her booth, I was shocked to see that there was a black Santa. “Oh, look, you guys have a black…
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Michael Flynn Releases Statement After Pleading Guilty to Lying to the FBI; James Comey Responds With Epic Subtweet
Updated Friday, Dec. 1, 2017, 1:03 p.m. EST: After pleading guilty Friday to lying to the FBI about conversations he had with Russian ambassador Sergey Kislyak, Michael Flynn released the following statement accepting responsibility for his actions: Statement by Lt. General Michael T. Flynn (Ret.) After over 33 years of military service to our country,…
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Mike Pence Casts Tie-Breaking Vote to Remove an Important Consumer Financial Protection Bureau Rule
Late Tuesday evening, the U.S. Senate voted to repeal an Obama-era rule that provided consumer protections against banks and credit card companies by preventing them from using forced settlements to resolve disputes with customers. The vote on the Senate floor was 50-50, with The Hill reporting that Republican Sens. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina and…
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Mike Pence Left the Colt-49ers Game Because He’s a Messy Bitch Who Lives for Drama
I’m not sure how puppet Vice President Mike Pence was able to leave Lucas Oil Stadium with the president’s tiny hand shoved that far up his ass, but I’m sure he’s used to being played for a fool. It’s in his job description. There is a stipulation in his vice presidential contract that requires him…
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Snowflake Mike Pence Flees Colts-49ers Game After Players Kneel During the National Anthem
Updated Sunday, Oct. 8, 2017, 3:11 p.m. EDT: President Asshat himself said on Twitter that he ordered Mike Pence to leave the game if players took a knee during the national anthem. Earlier: Vice President Mike Pence, who once whined that there was “far too much of this talk of institutional bias or racism within…
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Mike Pence Would Not Be Worse Than Trump Because No One, God Included, Gives a Shit About Mike Pence
It’s been a relatively slow week for rapey vat of curdled Cheez Whiz Donald Trump and his cadre of paint thinner-dipped sociopathic marionettes. Perhaps it’s because he’s currently on his 27th vacation of the last three months, and there’s no dry snitches left to fire for outing cocksucking contortionists to the New Yorker. But don’t…
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Trump Threatens to End White House Press Briefings Because His Staff Can’t Keep Their Stories Straight
Things got pretty testy Friday morning when President Donald Trump threatened to end all daily White House press briefings because “it is not possible” for his staff to speak with “perfect accuracy” to the American public. Yes, you read that correctly. The Washington Post reports that Trump made his comments after the reasons he gave…
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Vice President Mike Pence Forces Reporters to Watch Hoosiers
I knew when I saw photos of Vice President Mike Pence in that dumb-ass leather jacket earlier this week that he was a big old movie buff. I figured it was all about Top Gun, but it turns out it was Hoosiers. Pence, aka Maverick, while on the latest leg of his Eastern Hemisphere tour…
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Mike Pence Issues Stern Warning to North Korea in a Dumb Leather Jacket
You know Vice President Mike Pence spends nights at home reliving scenes from Top Gun. He probably demands that his staffers call him Maverick and secretly refers to President TrumPutin as Goose. On Monday, Pence arrived at the gateway to the Demilitarized Zone dividing the two Koreas in a show of U.S. resolve a day…
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Watch Mike Pence’s Matrix-Like Deflection of Obama Wiretapping Claims Made by Trump
Vice President Mike Pence knows that President Mother Russia was lying when he took to the keyboard with his little fingers to type those crazy claims that former President Barack Obama wiretapped Trump Tower in New York City. In fact, the vice president pulled out some Matrix-like dodging moves when he was asked flat out…