marshawn lynch
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Beast Mode Back? Marshawn Lynch In Talks to Return to the Seattle Seahawks
While elite talents like Jadeveon Clowney and Cam Newton spend their quarantine wondering if they’ll be on an NFL roster come training camp, Super Bowl champion Marshawn Lynch apparently has other plans. ESPN reports that the 34-year-old running back is in talks to return to the Seattle Seahawks for their upcoming season—presumably, so he won’t…
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Princeton Students Big Mad After Marshawn Lynch Announced as Class Speaker
Marshawn Lynch is a man of few words. When the former(?) Seahawks running back does decide to speak he often drops some jewels. This makes it particularly interesting that this is the speaker Princeton students have a problem with. According to USA Today, a group of seniors at Princeton has written an open letter protesting…
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Baller Moves: NFL’s Larry Fitzgerald Buys Stake in NBA’s Phoenix Suns
When Marshawn Lynch stood at that podium a little over a week ago and cautioned his fellow NFL players to “start taking care of y’all mentals, y’all bodies and y’all chickens and y’all will,” he spoke a real word because at the end of the day, it’s highly likely every professional football player wants to…
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Noted Philosopher Marshawn Lynch Explains Self-Care in 90 Seconds or Less
Marshawn Lynch is a goddamn national treasure. Don’t debate me on this. Marshawn Lynch knows what the lonely do at Christmas and who let the dogs out. Before the Avengers asked the Wakandans to help defeat Thanos, they went to Marshawn Lynch’s house but he was at the gym. Marshawn Lynch gave Popeyes his secret…
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Marshawn Lynch Tried to Light A Blunt Off Al Davis’ Eternal Flame And Proves He’s The Hero We Need
There is a rumor that once while getting ready for an unusually brisk day in Oakland, Calif., a young Marshawn Lynch found a “fuck” in his jacket pocket. Confused, young Marshawn promptly tossed the fuck into the cool Oakland air and according to everyone who witnessed that historic moment, it was the last fuck Marshawn…
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Habari Gani?! Kujichagulia! Marshawn ‘Spark the Blunt’ Lynch Goes Beast Mode for Self-Determination
For each day of Kwanzaa, the African-American cultural holiday that eschews the typical commercialism of the holiday season, we will be highlighting a person or persons from the past year who exemplifies the principle of the day. Kwanzaa was created in 1966 to uplift a sense of community through the principles of unity, self-determination, collective…
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Marshawn Lynch Looked Like a State Farm Agent in High School, and the Internet Got Jokes
Looks like Marshawn Lynch wasn’t always the stone-faced, strong, running back who’s just here so he won’t get fined. In high school, Marshawn Lynch looked like the black guy on a Canadian teen show that was partly sponsored by the school district to teach kids how to say no to drugs and not have sex…
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When a Deadbeat Dad Attacks a College Grad: Joe Walsh Blew His Racist Dog Whistle on Marshawn Lynch and Twitter Wasn’t Having It
There are some people who become assholes over time, and then there are some people who are just born this way. Joe Walsh was born this way; it’s his gift. I imagine baby Joe Walsh, like an asshole idiot savant, chastising his nanny over the consistency of his breast milk. I imagine teen Joe Walsh…
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Trump Wants Marshawn Lynch Suspended and LaVar Ball’s Middle Child Thrown in Jail Because He’s Messy
President Ludwig von FuckFace will not stop wading in the petty pool. In fact, if we wanted a messy president who lives for drama, then the right person is in office. Over the weekend, President ShitBag von LittleFingers got all butt-hurt after LaVar Ball refused to acknowledge the president’s role in assisting in the release…
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Marshawn Lynch Only Stood During the Mexican Anthem Because He’s the Black Honey Badger and No One Can Stop Him
There was a man who tried to tell Marshawn Lynch what to do. That man is no longer with us. Because no one—I repeat, no one—tells Marshawn Lynch what to do. On Sunday, the Oakland Raiders were taking on the New England Patriots in Azteca Stadium in Mexico City, and the Raiders running back sat…