impeachment
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Trump’s Impeachment Defense, Day 3: John Bolton’s Booketh Got Them Shooketh
Maybe former national security adviser John Bolton wasn’t just a publicity thot who took his five minutes of infamy to hawk a book. Maybe John Bolton had a secret plan. Who knows? Maybe he’s not Johnmorosa after all. Tuesday marks the third and final day of Trump’s defense team’s opening arguments in Trump’s impeachment in…
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Trump’s Defense Lawyers Pick Up Where They Left Off, and By ‘Pick Up’ I Mean They Just Continue Lying
On Monday, President Trump’s loose group of arthritic knees and questionable morals banded together to expand on their brief opening statements from Saturday to make their case as to why the president of the United States isn’t the real Joanne the Scammer. A live look at President Trump promising that his team isn’t going to…
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Ex-National Security Adviser John Bolton Can’t Testify, But He Sure Knows How to Promote a Book
President Donald Trump began his Monday the way he always does: He ate the remains of a baby goat that was leftover from the weekend, slogged around the White House looking for his pig’s blood and cilantro smoothie and then locked himself in his private bathroom where he rage tweeted about ex-national security adviser John…
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Impeachment Trial, Day 3: How Do You Get Liars to Care About the Truth?
So I know you didn’t watch Day 3 of the Trump Impeachment trial so allow me to recap all the bits you missed. Democrats continued to make their case, which was totally riveting btw, and then Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif.) pulled a sword and began hacking away at the podium. Notorious R.E.P. Hakeem Jeffries (D-N.Y.)…
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Day 2: Impeachment Boogaloo
Have you ever been to a rave? I have and it’s exactly what you’d expect: loud music, lots of footwork, glow sticks and drugs. But what’s most impressive about a rave is how long they are and how sweaty everyone gets because the whole room gets hot because of all the non-stop dancing. The second…
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We Watched Day 1 of the Impeachment Trial Because We Knew You Didn’t Want To
The first day of the impeachment trial was longer than the church service when you didn’t have breakfast. The first day of the impeachment trial was longer than the line at the DMV. The first day of the impeachment trial was so long (13 hours!) that we are sure you stopped watching, so we watched…
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Never Thought Hip-Hop Would Take It This Far: Rep. Hakeem Jeffries Drops B.I.G. Lyric During Impeachment Trial
The impeachment trial for Russia’s favorite operative Donald J. Trump has started and New York Rep. Hakeem Jeffries is becoming the breakout star. On Tuesday, after arguing succinctly and effectively that the president of the United States is a quid pro hoe who was willing to punish Ukraine by withholding aid until the Ukrainian president…
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The Impeachment of Donald J. Trump, Part 1: Pre-Fight Fuss Fight
The Senate impeachment trial of Russian Vice President Donald J. Trump began around 1 p.m. Tuesday, and here’s what’s happened and what we expect to happen on the first day. Senators, House Managers—aka the “Hit Squad”—and the White House counsel were all present and ready to go. Chief Justice Roberts brought the trial to session,…
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Trump Adds 2 of Jeffrey Epstein’s Friends to His Impeachment Defense Team
In what can only be called clown shit, President Trump will enter his Senate impeachment trial with former Bill Clinton special prosecutors Kenneth Starr and Robert Ray, plus retired Harvard constitutional law professor Alan Dershowitz, as his attorneys. According to Politico, the three famous attorneys will serve as backups behind “White House counsel Pat Cipollone…
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Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s 7-Member Impeachment Hit Squad Includes Hakeem Jeffries and Val Demings
On Wednesday, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced the seven House members who will prosecute President Trump’s Senate impeachment trial, and while the usual names are there (we see you, Judiciary Committee Chairman Jerrold Nadler (D-N.Y.) and Intelligence Committee Chairman Rep. Adam B. Schiff (D-Calif.)), we also see black members Democratic Caucus Chairman Hakeem Jeffries (D-N.Y.)…