first lady
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Melania Trump Is Petty AF, Publicly Calls for Ouster of a Top National Security Aide Because They’re Beefing
Instead of working on the three pillars (well-being, social media use, and opioid abuse) that make up her grammatically incorrect campaign, first lady Melania Trump is using her White House muscle to publicly call for the firing of deputy national security adviser Mira Ricardel. Who is Ricardel? Who knows. But she’s apparently beefing with Melania…
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Congressional Hopeful Calls Melania Trump a 'Hoebag,' Claims She Works By the Hour
Congressional candidate Mark Roberts is hot water after an offensive tweet in which he shamed sex workers and claimed that the first lady—she of the esteemed and highly forgotten, stupidly named Michelle Obama ripoff campaign “Be Best”—a “hoebag.” According to Oregon Live, Roberts, an Oregon 2nd District hopeful running as an Independent, was in a…
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Wait, Was That a Melania Trump Look-Alike?
A woman with the facial structure and permanent scowl worn by first lady Melania Trump made an appearance Monday evening with her husband and legal captor, Donald Trump. The woman who answered to the name Melania was alongside the president during a ceremony to honor Gold Star families. While many, including this writer, believe that…
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53 Percent of White Women Voted for Trump, Who Just Told France’s First Lady: ‘You’re in Such Good Shape … Beautiful’
White women confuse me. They always have. If last election vote totals are to be believed, then 53 percent of white women in America voted for the sexist-in-chief, yet 100 percent of white women also sympathize with the fictional white-lady slaves in The Handmaid’s Tale. Let’s just put aside for a moment the fact that the…
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I'm Suffering From "Every Time I Hear 'First Lady' I Think 'Michelle Obama' Even Though She Aint It Anymore" Syndrome
I’ve accepted, grudgingly, that empty Miracle Whip jar filled with dead maggots with sentience Donald Trump is President of the United States. It’s a reality both horrifying (for obvious reasons) and validating, as his ascent and the support that allowed him to ascend is the best possible verification that America desperately wants to be Crash but is…
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W.Va. Woman Who Called Michelle Obama ‘Ape in Heels’ Fired
The director of a West Virginia nonprofit agency who took to Facebook to call first lady Michelle Obama an “ape in heels” has been fired, according to state officials. According to Reuters, Pamela Taylor was fired for her offensive and insensitive Facebook post. Taylor was head of the Clay County Development Corp., which provides services…
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Michelle Obama Is The Best Thing About America
A few weeks from now, the country will decide if Donald Trump — a unabashed bigot, racist, misogynist, xenophobe, charlatan, and chickenhawk — will be our next President; the person we choose to be America’s representative to the rest of the world; essentially the most important motherfucker on Earth. He will probably (hopefully) lose the election.…