Donald Trump
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There Must Be Pee-Pee Tapes: Why Else Would Trump Be So in Love With Putin?
So now news has emerged that the president of rich white interests inside the United States slid over to Russian President Vladimir Putin’s lunch table during the G-20 summit to see if he wanted to hang out after school. I want you all to think clearly about this: While the sharks of Russian collusion are…
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7 Whole Years and Still No Health Care Plan From the GOP
You can do a lot in seven years if you really work at it. The world has seen a seven-year war; cicadas come out of the ground every seven years; Maxwell drops a new album about every seven years. In other words, a lot of global, amazing and world-altering things can be accomplished over seven…
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The President’s Love for Big Trucks Feels Racist
I don’t know if big trucks breed racism. Like, I don’t know if you aren’t a racist but then happen to want a truck so big that you need a ladder to climb into it and you automatically become racist, but it feels as if racists love big trucks. Not just pickup trucks, but all…
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Donald Trump Jr. Is as Old as Patti LaBelle’s 1st Solo Album; He Ain’t a ‘Boy,’ Beloved
In October 1977, Patti LaBelle released her self-titled debut album. Two months later, on New Year’s Eve, Donald Trump Jr. was born. LaBelle’s eponymous debut was released to critical acclaim; the spawn of that Sith Lord sitting in the White House, hollering at cable news all the time—eh, not so much. The two creations do…
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53 Percent of White Women Voted for Trump, Who Just Told France’s First Lady: ‘You’re in Such Good Shape … Beautiful’
White women confuse me. They always have. If last election vote totals are to be believed, then 53 percent of white women in America voted for the sexist-in-chief, yet 100 percent of white women also sympathize with the fictional white-lady slaves in The Handmaid’s Tale. Let’s just put aside for a moment the fact that the…
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Trump’s Russia Lawyer Is Out Here Cussing People Out: ‘Watch Your Back, Bitch’
President Donald Trump’s attorney on Russian matters might have been the sixth member of N.W.A that no one knew about until now. That’s because Marc Kasowitz is as reckless with his curses as the late, great Eazy-E once was. According to several emails published by ProPublica Thursday, Kasowitz didn’t take too kindly to an email…
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The President of the US May Have an Imaginary Friend Named Jim
The president of the United States is in Paris to meet with French President Emmanuel Macron. I wonder if Donald Trump has any plans to meet with his friend “Jim.” According to the president, Jim used to love Paris, but now Jim doesn’t go anymore because the city is fraught with foreign extremists. I wonder…
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On A Scale From One To Joe Budden, How Bothered Is Donald Trump That He Lost The Election?
I know, I know, I know. Darth Cheeto is currently the President of the United States. Which we’re reminded of each time we turn on the news or log onto the internet and see that he seems to be intent on using his presidential authority to prove that the rapey vat of curdled cheese whiz he…
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Russian Lawyer Contradicts Trump Jr.’s Account of Meeting: I Didn’t Have Clinton Info They Wanted
A week ago, Natalia Veselnitskaya was just a Russian lawyer with a really difficult last name to pronounce. Now Veselnitskaya is at the center of a Russia-White House scandal, and it still doesn’t make her last name any easier to say aloud. Depending on whom you believe—the lie trapped inside the fib, which is trapped…