Donald Trump
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James Comey’s Statement to the Senate Intelligence Committee Is the Most Epic Dry-Snitch of All Time
James Comey will testify before the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence Thursday at 10 a.m. EDT. In advance of that testimony, he wrote a statement documenting all of his interactions with Donald Trump, both before the inauguration and after Trump took office, and it is the greatest dry-snitch you have ever read in your life.…
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What We Know About Christopher Wray, Trump’s Pick for FBI Boss
On the eve of ex-FBI Director James Comey’s highly anticipated Senate testimony, President Twitter Fingas took to social media, as he’s been recklessly known to do, to announce that his new pick for Comey’s post is Christopher Wray. Make no mistake about it—the announcement that Comey’s replacement has been found, just a day before the…
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Eric ‘Vampire Face’ Trump: Dems Aren’t Even People
First and foremost, do we have proof that Eric Trump is not a vampire? He seriously looks as if he has actual vampire DNA; and if, in fact, the second Trump not named Ivanka is a bloodsucking revenant, then his comments made during a recent Fox News appearance make perfect sense. Eric “Vampire Diaries” Trump…
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Trump Asked National Intelligence Director to Intervene in Comey’s Russia Probe: Report
Daniel Coats, director of national intelligence, told associates in March that President Donald Trump asked him to intervene with then-FBI Director James Comey and get him to have the bureau back off of its investigation into former national security adviser Michael Flynn and his ties to Russia. The incident occurred March 22, less than a…
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Fingers Crossed: Attorney General Jeff Sessions Threatens to Quit as Tension With Trump Escalates
Two days before former FBI Director James Comey is scheduled to testify before the Senate Intelligence Committee, President Donald Trump’s world continues to unravel right before our very eyes. According to an unconfirmed report, U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions has threatened to quit his job amid rising tensions between him and the president. The friction…
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Trump Tweets Are Now ‘Official Statements’ From President; He May Live-Tweet During James Comey’s Hearing
White House press secretary Sean “Spicy Facts” Spicer is up to his old tricks again. After several months of claiming that the press spends too much time paying attention to President Twitter Fingas’ timeline, Spicy now claims that the president’s tweets are official statements from the president and should be treated as such. This about-face…
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Represent the President or Nah? Top Lawyers Tell Trump to Kick Russian Rocks
Looks like President Vladimir TrumPutin is having trouble finding a law firm that’s willing to represent his lying ass in the Russia investigations, and that’s because the president has proved himself to be an untrustworthy client. According to several sources who spoke with Yahoo! News, four major law firms have passed on the opportunity to…
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Y’all’s Drunk Uncle President Is Tweeting Again
I’ve figured it out. Aside from scarfing down family-size buckets of KFC, pathological lying and a predilection for pussy grabbing, we all know that Donald Trump’s vices do not include drinking alcohol or imbibing in recreational drugs. Yet our nation’s leader repeatedly leaves us perplexed with late-night tweets that sound as if he just got…
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Joe Scarborough: Steve Bannon Is Leaking All Jared Kushner-Russia Intel
I love nothing more than a good reality drama, and nothing is better than the reality-TV star-turned-president and his merry band of misfits. On Friday, Morning Joe co-host Joe Scarborough posited an interesting theory, and one that I think I can get behind. According to Scarborough’s sources inside the White House, White House chief political…
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Y’all’s President Just Put Captain Planet on Suicide Watch and Further Endangered the Entire World
When flooding gives way to the destruction of American coastal cities, when the increased droughts and decreases in annual water lead to fewer crops and greater hunger scares among the poorest, when the day comes that today’s warmest temperatures feel like cool breezes by comparison, and when the widespread political instability as a result of…