Donald Trump
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Trump Met With Top Military Leaders and Teased the Threat of War Because He’s an Asshole
Sometimes, unexpected guests show up at funerals. And sometimes those guests get on the microphone and say ungodly things or start singing, like this woman: And look, I get it; it’s funny. But at some point it’s someone’s job to get this woman off the mic. Seriously, Congress, it’s time to be that person. It’s…
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Your President Doesn’t Understand the 1st Amendment or What the Senate Intelligence Committee Does
Early Thursday morning, your president got on Twitter and demonstrated to the American people that he doesn’t understand how the First Amendment works, and he has no clue what the function of the Senate Intelligence Committee is. Donald Trump wrote, “Why isn’t the Senate Intel Committee looking into the Fake News Networks in OUR country…
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In Crazy-Wypipo News, Police Arrest Drunken Man Who Says He’s From the Future, and I Believe Him Because …
Wyoming police officers arrested a man on charges of public intoxication who tried to explain to them that he needed to talk to the “president of the town” because he was from the future and needed to help people. According to K2 Radio, on Monday night around 10:30, Casper, Wyo., cops say that they arrested…
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Never Forget That Y’all’s Bum-Ass President Threw Paper Towels at Puerto Ricans and Didn’t Even Buy Bounty
Although pictures can say thousands—and sometimes millions—of words, when I saw the image yesterday of the president of the United States of America tossing paper towels at storm-ravaged citizens of Puerto Rico days after lobbing insults at San Juan’s mayor and calling them (in separate tweets) lazy and entitled and unworthy of aid because they’re…
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Look at This Trash Human Throwing Paper Towels Into the Crowd in Puerto Rico
As we all know by now, Donald Trump is in Puerto Rico doing what he does best: looking like the dotard he is. In between blaming Puerto Rico for damaging the budget, Trump thought he’d be benevolent and throw rolls of paper towels into the crowd. Like, seriously, how and why anyone thought this was…
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Trump Lands in Puerto Rico and Delivers Drunken-Uncle Speech, Notes That Officials Should Be Proud That More Haven’t Died
At this point, I kind of just want President Donald Trump to STFU. At first when he was debating Hillary Clinton, he was amusing. Once he got elected, the more he spoke, the more it proved how dangerous this was going to be. Now that he’s been in office for some months, I’m just tiring…
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The So-Called Christians Defending Sweet Potato Saddam Are Begging to Be Jumped by Jesus
Last weekend the president of the United States turned his sights away from a humanitarian crisis in Puerto Rico, a U.S. territory ravaged by Hurricane Maria, to a subject more in line with his interests: black football players daring to exercise their right to peaceful protest. During the following weekend, that spoiled, queso-colored white supremacist…
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I’m Scared to Death I Won’t Be Able to Protect My 2-Year-Old Daughter From Her Own Country
Full disclosure: The headline is a lie. My daughter isn’t actually 2 years old yet. She’ll be 2 next month. But I remember, before she was born, making fun of parents who’d tell you their child’s age in months instead of years. And then I became one of those parents. So today, this is me…
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White Men Who Shoot Up People Are Not Terrorists, and 4 Other Takeaways From Trump’s Response to Las Vegas
A subdued and somber President Donald Trump got on television hours after more than 50 people were killed during an attack in Las Vegas on Sunday, and seemingly stuck to the script and took no questions, managing not to make this tragic event even more tragic (as happened with his comments after the racial melee…