Donald Trump
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Trump Thinks He’d Beat Oprah in a 2020 Run for the White House
Looks like Donald Trump is continuing his lobotomy tour. First he asked members of Congress to bring him a Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals bill he can sign that would ensure that some 800,000 children of immigrants stay put; and now he honestly thinks that he could beat black America’s God Muva, Oprah Winfrey, in…
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Get Used to ‘President Oprah’ ( … and President Zuckerberg, President the Rock, President Bezos, President Beyoncé, President Kardashian, Etc.)
Every so often, I’ll be in a public and predominantly white space—the Pittsburgh airport, maybe, walking through the Ross Park Mall, perhaps, or at a high school basketball game in the Pittsburgh suburbs—doing whatever it is I’m doing there. Not thinking about anything, really, other than going through security, browsing Kyrie Colorways at Foot Locker…
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Trump Wants a ‘Bill of Love’ to Protect DACA Recipients, but Only if He Gets His Dumbass Border Wall
Someone must have taken the old president’s brain out and replaced it with a pot roast because in a magical switch that can only be explained by science and a full-on lobotomy, the president has promised 25 lawmakers that if they can bring him a bill that will extend protections to 800,000 immigrants’ children, he…
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White House on ‘Sloppy Steve’ Bannon: ‘New Phone, Who Dis?’
Who the hell is Hogan Gidley? Turns out he’s the deputy White House press secretary who was talking mad smack about former White House strategist “Sloppy Steve” Bannon. “I don’t believe there is any way back for Mr. Bannon at this point,” Gidley told reporters aboard Air Force One, Yahoo! Finance reports. Just a few…
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The President Is Going to Be an Even Lazier Thot in 2018
If you think President Donald Trump didn’t do shit in 2017, well, he really isn’t going to do shit in 2018, as reports are surfacing that the man with the little hands but the giant nuclear button, who may or may not be able to read, will be starting his workday later so that he…
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Stephen Miller Showed His Whole Ass During CNN Interview, Then Had to Be Escorted Out by Security: Report
White House policy adviser Stephen Miller has been trash most of his life. In high school, Miller ran for student government as an outspoken conservative who prided himself as someone “who will say and do things that no one else in their right mind will say or do.” He also campaigned that he couldn’t be…
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‘Sloppy Steve’ Bannon Backtracks, Offers Groveling Apology to Trump Daddy
I guess, between the millions in soft money reportedly being yanked from under him and the biggest coattails he’s ever ridden publicly going bye-bye, “Sloppy Steve” Bannon (President Donald Trump’s words, not mine) has tapped out and apologized for statements attributed to him in a new biography of the president, Fire and Fury: Inside the…
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Kendrick Lamar Is Doing 1st-Ever Halftime Show for College Football Championship. I Cannot Wait
We gone be aiight. … Especially when Kendrick Lamar Duckworth performs the halftime show for the College Football Playoff National Championship between Georgia and Alabama at Atlanta’s Mercedes-Benz Stadium on Monday—the first-ever halftime-show performance in championship-game history. No, it’s not the NFL (nor is it Taylor Swift, the rumored performer before Lamar was chosen), but…
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Receipts! Fire and Fury Author Recorded Conversations Inside the White House for Months
Previously on White House Apprentice, Donald Trump and his attorneys tried to stop Steve Bannon from saying bad things about the president and his family. At the same time, they tried to stop author Michael Wolff from publishing a book full of bad things that Bannon, among others, has said about the president and his…