Donald Trump
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I Wanted Stormy Daniels to Bring Down the White House, but Turns Out She’s Just Like Trump
I really wanted to believe Stormy Daniels, the porn actress who claims to have had an affair with Donald Trump and is now denying it, because I hate the president that much. I wanted to believe the earlier reports she gave claiming that the president, who was not the president at the time of the…
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White House Sends Out State of the ‘Uniom’ Tickets Because No One in This Administration Is at Grade Level
It’s only President Donald Trump’s first State of the Union address, so what could go wrong? Well, the tickets, for one. The bumbling Beverly Hillbillies administration couldn’t even get the damn tickets correct to his inaugural address because I’m convinced that no one in the administration is at grade level. This Toyota Paseo-ass administration sent…
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#POTUSRAP: White Twitter Dissing Jay-Z Might Just Be the Greatest Thing Wypipo Have Ever Done
Whenever I’m feeling down and out, I have discovered a cure for depression that doesn’t involve narcotics, thousands of dollars in therapist fees or finding a USB outlet to recharge my sex robot. (No, I don’t have a sex robot. I’m still waiting for Apple to come out with one because I might be desperate,…
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UN Ambassador and Trump’s Possible Side Chick Nikki Haley Was Big Mad During Grammys
Nimrata Randhawa, aka Nikki Haley, once had a promising career in politics. In 2010 she became the youngest governor in America at age 43, and she credited Hillary Clinton for her foray into politics. She was even critical of political albatross Donald Trump. But that feels like a lifetime ago. At some point, Haley’s moderate…
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Deputy FBI Director Andrew McCabe Steps Down Because Trump and the GOP Are Bullies: Report
FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe, arguably one of President Donald Trump’s least favorite people in the agency, is stepping down just months before he was expected to retire. According to multiple reports, the career civil servant, who became deputy director in 2016 and was a frequent target of the president and Republicans, announced his departure,…
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Omarosa to Join Celebrity Big Brother Because What Else Was She Going to Do?
Omarosa Manigault Newman, the onetime reality star-turned-politico, is going back to her roots. The former Diet Coke getter for President Waco von Jonestown is the latest to join a cast of D-list actors and has-beens on Celebrity Big Brother. It’s been a wild ride for Omarosa, whom we first met in 2004 as the evil…
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Please Stop Inviting Joy Villa to Things
In the spirit of guarding your energy in 2018, may I offer one quick public service announcement: Stop inviting Joy Villa to things. Joy who-what-now? Girl, I don’t know. She “sings,” apparently. But what she’s really known for is burrowing up from the sunken place and trolling red carpets. What she do this time? On…
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Jay-Z Called Your President a ‘Superbug,’ and Trump Responded With Black Unemployment Figures
President Donald Trump didn’t have much to say to rapper Eminem, who has been excoriating him on wax (wait—do people even say “wax” anymore?) who has been ethering him in the cloud for a minute, but, again, Trump hasn’t responded. But perhaps because it is rumored that the current POTUS only watches television, he did…
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What You Need to Know About Trump’s Speech to the World’s Richest White Men
Donald Trump, a man who at various points in his presidency has resembled a toddler, a dotard and a weird combination of both, mostly colored within the lines today in Davos, Switzerland. Attending the Davos World Economic Forum, a meeting of the most illustrious and insanely rich white men in the world (the 0.05 percent,…