Donald Trump
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Trump Doesn't Understand How Buying Groceries Works
Either President Trump is preparing us for the dystopian future after our world war with longtime enemy Canada, or he’s never purchased groceries in his life, or he’s just a lying-ass liar who will say anything to drive home his point to his mindless followers. During a rally in one of those places where corn…
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Change in the Company Line: Trump Echoes Giuliani's Claim That Collusion With Russia Is Not a Crime
The sun had barely risen on the East Coast, on Tuesday, before the president got his hands on his phone to tweet the same words that just came out of Rudy Giuliani’s mouth: “Collusion is not a crime, but that doesn’t matter because there was No Collusion …” See, on Monday, Giuliani was doing one…
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Donald Trump Clearly Doesn't Care About Election Security
For the first time during his presidency, Donald Trump chaired an election security meeting Friday in which senior-level national security experts discussed ways to protect America’s electoral process from foreign interference. The Washington Post reports, however, that the meeting lasted less than an hour and no new directives on how to counter or deter threats…
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Trump’s Tweets Reportedly Being Investigated in Mueller Probe
Donald Trump is a keyboard gangster, and Twitter is his gun. He wields his personal Twitter account like a weapon, using it to attack the press, foreign dignitaries and leaders, members of his own administration and anyone else who does not fall in line and do exactly what he wants them to at any given…
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Donald Trump Is America's Greatest President
As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron. – H.L.…
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Trump Is Guilty Tweeting This Morning After Michael Cohen Tape Reveals Him Discussing Payment to Side Bae
President Donald Trump isn’t claiming that he didn’t have an affair with ex-former Playboy playmate Karen McDougal (noting that you are a former Playboy playmates is the equivalent of noting that you were third trumpet in your elementary school marching band), at least not this morning. He’s using all his old-man vitriol to blast his…
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Trump Tries to Offset Damage From Tariffs With Welfare for White People
In an attempt to appease the rural, white casualties of his widely-decried trade war, President Donald Trump announced billions of dollars in federal aid to farmers, many of whom make up his base of proud Americans who hate big government, welfare and “those people” who are always asking for a handout. According to the Washington…
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Petty President: Trump Looking to Remove Security Clearances From Ex-Officials Critical of His Administration
Devil’s mouthpiece, Sarah Huckabee Sanders aka “Suckabee,” dropped a bombshell during what was supposed to be a routine press briefing when she announced that the president of the United States is looking into pulling the security clearances of several former Obama administration officials including former Director of National Intelligence John Brennan, former FBI Director James…
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It's About to Go Down: Michael Cohen Secretly Recorded Trump Talking About Payments to Ex-Playmate
In April, the President’s personal attorney and long time fixer, Michael Cohen’s New York office was raided by the FBI. The Feds reportedly seized thousands of documents, items and tapes, from Cohen’s office and on Friday, The New York Times is reporting that they may have finally hit pay dirt. According to the Times, Cohen…
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President Vladimir TrumPutin's Latest Tweet Storm Claims Russia Is Bae and the Real Enemy is the American Media
It’s Thursday, so you know what that means? The old man in the White House is at it again. Fresh off a KFC bender, the president started in on his latest rash against American media, claiming that the summit with Russian President Vladimir Putin was a success and that the real enemy is the American…