Donald Trump
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Hundreds of Thousands of Voters Purged From Rolls in Wisconsin; Issues Crop Up in Ohio and Georgia
A Wisconsin judge ordered the state’s Elections Commission to strike more than 200,000 voters from its rolls after they did not respond to a mailer asking them to verify their address within 30 days. The decision may force the crucial swing state to throw out hundreds of thousands of registrations before the 2020 election (the…
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Nigerian Immigrant Eloquently Explains Why He’s the ‘Real American’ After Breaking MAGA UFC Fighter’s Jaw
A bombastic, Trump-supporting mixed martial arts fighter is desperately hoping that doctors can make his jaw great again after a “Nigerian Nightmare” smashed his MAGA mandible to smithereens, much to the dismay of xenophobic Ultimate Fighting Championship fans. The main event at Saturday’s UFC 245 featured a matchup between Kamaru Usman, nicknamed “The Nigerian Nightmare,”…
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Mitch McConnell Is a Not-So-Silent but Deadly (Old) Fart
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), the human embodiment of a silent, funky-ass fart, thinks it’s pretty hilarious that the federal courts are being stacked with conservative judges and that he led the Senate in blocking President Obama from installing his own pick for the U.S. Supreme Court. McConnell is so pleased with himself, he…
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Be Best: Michelle Obama Throws Some Love to Greta Thunberg After Trump Cyber-Bullied the Teenage Climate Activist
Michelle Obama had some uplifting words for climate activist and Time Magazine’s Person of the Year Greta Thunberg after the teenager was bullied online by none other than the President of the United States. “Don’t let anyone dim your light,” the bestselling author and forever first lady told Greta, who helped lead the international Youth…
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2 Articles of Impeachment Approved Against Trump as the Mad King Loses His Mind on Twitter
In a move we all saw coming but it still took forever, the House Judiciary Committee approved two articles of impeachment against President Quid Pro Hoe. After a marathon arguing session Thursday night that looked a lot like arguments in my house, the Judiciary Committee voted along party lines to impeach the president, making him…
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Jury Acquits Man Who Offered $500 to ‘Anyone Who Kills an ICE Agent’ on Twitter, but Questions About ‘True Threats’ Remain
A federal jury found a man who tweeted an offer of $500 to kill an Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officer was apparently just joking on Friday. The case revisits the issue of what is deemed a credible threat at a time when so much of what we say is online and therefore, searchable and…
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Trump Tweeted Over 100 Times Sunday Because He Didn’t Have Cheerleading Practice
With the holidays on the horizon and school winding down to a snail’s pace, the president of the United States sits alone in his sleeping coffin wearing cozy PJs and messaging with Rep. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) about which GOP boys think he’s cute. Unfortunately, this Sunday it was Graham’s turn to work the president’s slaughterhouse,…
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Speaker Nancy Pelosi Says Trump ‘Leaves Us No Choice But to Act’ on Impeachment
And so it begins. On Thursday, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced that she’s asked that articles of impeachment be drafted against President I Did That Shit. Sure impeachment without removal from office is about as damaging as a public indecency charge from 1994; it’s not going to really do anything but it’s embarrassing if it…
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Y’all Little ‘President’ Be Lying His Ass Off
Have you ever known a person who just lies for no reason? Like, they stay making stuff up all the time just for the sake of talking and conversation? Their stories have little basis in reality; they just want to get one off, and to do that, they make up whatever details they need to…