Donald Trump
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Pro-Life President’s Coronavirus Treatment Was Tested Using Cells Originally Cultivated From Aborted Tissue
The antibody cocktail used to treat President Donald Trump’s case of coronavirus uses cells originally derived from aborted fetuses. The MIT Technology Review found that Regeneron Pharmaceuticals, the company responsible for crafting the antibody cocktail used by Trump, tested it using cells originally cultivated from aborted tissue. *clears throat* OOOOOOOOOO, THEY IN TROUBLEEEEEE. Just kidding,…
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Trump Won’t Do Virtual Debate, Wants to Take His Coronavirus on the Road Instead
President Trump wants to yell at Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden in person or he doesn’t want to yell at all. On Thursday, the organizing commission of the debates announced that in order to protect Biden from getting the president’s coronavirus—which the president claims is gone and healed, because God—they wanted to move the debates…
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I'm Rooting for the Coronavirus
I remember Michael Harriot. Yesterday would have been his birthday. He was a human being. Before his untimely demise, Michael spent most of his time doing things like inhaling oxygen, exhaling carbon dioxide, and figuring out why people consume candy corn in a world where Skittles, Starburst and Now & Laters exist. Michael even believed…
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Michelle Obama Did Not Come to Play With You or Your Little Friends in Voter Video Message: ‘7 Months Later and He Still Won’t Wear a Mask’
The former first lady took a break from exfoliating, drinking water from the Nigerian Alps and frolicking in a garden covered in angel feathers to make a final pitch to the American people–to whom she owes nothing—to “vote for Joe Biden like your lives depend on it.” In a recently released and highly critical 24-minute…
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‘Don’t Be Like the President’: Trey Songz Confirms He Tested Positive for Coronavirus, Vows to Take Diagnosis Seriously
R&B Singer Trey Songz is the latest celebrity to test positive for the coronavirus, warning fans and supporters on Monday to continue taking precautionary measures to prevent the spread of the novel virus. Songz, née Tremaine Neverson, announced his diagnosis via Instagram Monday, saying he had been taking tests regularly on account of attending protests…
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Trump: I Got the Coronavirus to Prove I Could Beat It Because That’s What Leaders Do!
President Outbreak Monkey left Walter Reed Military National Military Medical Center Monday night and then took his highly infectious ass up to a White House balcony where he removed his mask and waved to the crowd looking like he was going to vomit or cough. He was out of breath and looked like he was…
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Survey Shows Black Voters Are Fired Up to Vote Trump Out, With Many Planning to Vote in Person
With less than a month before Election Day, organizations across the country are ramping up their efforts to get out the vote in what could be the most tumultuous election in modern history. President Donald Trump has suggested that he will not concede the election if he loses, and it’s still unclear how the novel…
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President Trump's Health Is Reportedly Much Worse Than the White House Indicated. Here's Some Sneakers I Own.
These are really comfortable. These too. These are fun. I love the gold here. Classic.
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If You're Happy President Trump Tested Positive for COVID-19, You're Just as Bad as He Is
Regardless of my feelings about his politics, Donald Trump is a human first. A husband. A father. An uncle. An American. And today I am deeply saddened by the news that both he and his wife, Melania, have tested positive for COVID-19. Yes, he is an abhorrent person who has said and done terrible things.…
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President and First Lady Test Positive for COVID-19, Trump Showing Minor Symptoms
As America woke to prepare themselves for the end of the work week, the news came fast and furious: President Donald Trump and first lady Melania had contracted COVID-19. Trump made the announcement around 1 a.m. ET on Twitter, adding that he and the first lady would begin quarantining immediately. Trump ended his tweet noting…