covid-19
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Sen. Kamala Harris Halts Campaign Travel After Staffer Tests Positive for COVID-19
Not today, Satan. I see what you are trying to do and I rebuke you in the name of our Lord and savior, Robyn Rihanna Fenty. California Sen. Kamala Harris, Joe Biden’s running mate to take down the beasts from Lovecraft Country that inhabit the White House, has halted campaign travel after two people—a flight…
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Struggling to Stay Fit During the Pandemic? Celebrity Trainer Percell Dugger Offers Suggestions On How to Preserve Your Sexy
This global pandemic has been a trying time for each of us, and many of us are finding significant difficulty in our attempts to free ourselves from the rampant stress, anxiety and depression that are more prevalent than ever before. Exercise can work wonders in alleviating these afflictions, but as many of us have learned,…
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President COVID-45 Holds Rally and Wants to Kiss ‘Guys’ and ‘Beautiful Women’
President Superspreader just can’t keep his COVID-19 to himself. On Monday, not only did the president, who claims that he’s immune to the disease caused by the coronavirus, hold a campaign rally in Florida but, at one point, he claimed that he wanted to kiss everyone in the audience. “I feel so powerful… I’ll kiss…
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This Has to be the Most Bizarre Trump Story of All Time
I still can’t believe that this story is true even from this Washington Football Team-ass administration, but apparently, Trump wanted to pull a stunt so outrageous that even his New York Jets-ass administration was like “Nah, Slim. You bugging the fuck out.” President COVID-45 reportedly pitched this idea while COVID-19 was running through his body…
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Trump Delivers Campaign Speech From the White House to a Crowd of 'Blexit' Supporters Paid for by Candace Owen
The President has returned to his campaigning activities despite his coronavirus diagnosis, delivering a speech from the White House on Saturday in which he called on the surprising number of Black and Latino people in attendance to vote Democrats “into oblivion.” At the event, billed by the White House as a protest for law and…
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What is Lindsay Graham Hiding? S.C. Senator Refuses to Test for COVID-19 Ahead of Debate With Challenger Jamie Harrison, Raising Suspicions
If you were browsing Twitter on Friday, you may have noticed that #LindsayGrahamHasCOVID was trending. But you’d be wrong to assume that means we know anything definitively about the Republican senator’s health status as it pertains to coronavirus. The hashtag itself was prompted by the fact that earlier that day, Graham outright refused to undergo…
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Another Day, Another NFL Team Incurs the Wrath of the Coronavirus as New York Jets Shut Down Team Facilities
Stephen A. Crockett Jr., your senior editor at this very website, and I have a running bet that the NFL won’t last until Week 8—I mean, Week 7—due to its inability to circumvent COVID-19. And if today’s news is any indication, we should probably bump that up to Week 6. From ESPN: The New York…
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The Wrong People Are Dying
Much of my family will be in New Castle, Pa., this weekend to mourn the losses and celebrate the lives of my Uncle Donnie (who died last month) and my Aunt Doe (who died in April). This is happening this way because COVID-19. COVID-19 is why we had no service for my aunt in the…
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Pro-Life President’s Coronavirus Treatment Was Tested Using Cells Originally Cultivated From Aborted Tissue
The antibody cocktail used to treat President Donald Trump’s case of coronavirus uses cells originally derived from aborted fetuses. The MIT Technology Review found that Regeneron Pharmaceuticals, the company responsible for crafting the antibody cocktail used by Trump, tested it using cells originally cultivated from aborted tissue. *clears throat* OOOOOOOOOO, THEY IN TROUBLEEEEEE. Just kidding,…
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Trump Implies That He Could’ve Gotten COVID-19 From Gold Star Families
President Donald Trump has consistently proven one thing since taking over the White House: He will do and say anything to save his own untanned ass. On Thursday, the president of people who are standing down and standing by implied that he could’ve caught COVID-19 from Gold Star families that he met in the White…