chuck schumer
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Sen. Ron Johnson Forced Senate Staffers to Read All 628 Pages of the COVID Bill Out Loud and It Backfired
In what can only be called the pettiest of petty bullshit, Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Wisc.) forced Senate staffers to read the entire 628-page COVID bill aloud on the Senate floor, Thursday, delaying the debate and vote on the bill. Because Republicans are basically a group of whiny white men and komplicit Karens, the stunt was…
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Senate Democrats Draft Resolution Condemning White Supremacy
In response to the Trump-encouraged coup attempt in Washington, D.C., last month, Senate Democrats are drafting a resolution condemning white supremacy. Axios reports that the resolution, whose lead sponsor is Sen. Martin Heinrich (D-N.M.), will be introduced Tuesday. Keep in mind that Trump’s impeachment trial on the charges of “incitement of the insurrection” begins next…
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Chuck Schumer to Mitch McConnell: I Thought a Broke Senate Majority Leader Said Something
On Wednesday, when it appeared that Mitch “Turtleneck” McConnell was on the verge of no longer being the Senate majority leader, Chuck Schumer reportedly grabbed the Kentucky senator by his flabby neck skin and told him, “Look at me! I’m the captain now.” Schumer then asked McConnell “Why did the turtle cross the road?” When…
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Senate Democrats Pandemic Relief Bill Includes the $350 Billion 'Economic Justice Act' for Communities of Color
Given the sheer amount of fuckery popping off on a daily basis, it’s almost easy to forget that we’re currently in the midst of a pandemic that is decimating both public health and the economy. Almost. While the president and certain GOP governors try to deny and downplay the severity of the virus, it’s only…
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Senate Democrats Propose COVID-13 ‘Heroes Fund’ to Give Essential Workers $25,000 Raise
Essential workers like nurses, grocery store employees and transit workers are on the front lines in the battle against the coronavirus pandemic by providing services that are vital to people’s everyday needs, and now, the Senate is working to compensate them for putting their own lives on the line. According to Business Insider, Senate Democrats…
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To Combat the Coronavirus, Trump Administration Proposes an Emergency Stimulus Check for Every Adult American: 'We Have to Do This Now'
Feeding into mass hysteria isn’t exactly my ministry, but I think it’s safe to say that at this point, the coronavirus has ruined almost all of our lives to some extent. But as I sit here in my dark apartment, devoid of groceries, NBA highlights and social interaction, I take solace in knowing that our…
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Trump Retweets Photoshopped Image of Nancy Pelosi in a Hijab Because a Muslim Is Obviously More Dangerous Than a Degenerate Wannabe Dictator
There is one joke that never seems to get old with Republican voters; maybe you’ve heard it: It’s the one where everyone pokes fun at people wearing crosses. Wait, you haven’t heard this joke? That’s because people don’t make them. You’d be a douche if you made fun of Christianity but you know what hasn’t…
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Mitch McConnell Is Prepared to Push Impeachment Trial Rules Forward Without Democrats
In what continues to be an impeachment trial tug of war over whether witnesses would be allowed to testify, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell might’ve drummed up enough support to pass his version of rules that would halt Democrats’ push to call for new evidence and witnesses until after the trial begins. According to Politico, no…
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Dems Say Trump Has a ‘Meltdown’ After House Rebuke of His Syria Policy; Pelosi Says He Needs Prayer
Maybe it was seeing House Republicans give him the thumbs-down on his pullout game in Syria that pushed him over the edge, but Donald Trump reportedly had a “meltdown” while meeting Wednesday with Democratic congressional leadership after the vote. As CNN reports: “He was insulting, particularly to [House Speaker Nancy Pelosi]. She kept her cool…