Sunday Supper: The Week in Review

MONDAYAP: Sri Lankan Civilians Stay in War Zone Despite Lull Suggested Reading Carrie Underwood’s Shady Reaction to Jamal Roberts’ ‘American Idol’ Win, Explained Oklahoma Black Man Hit By Patrol Car During Jaywalking Arrest, and That’s Not Even the Most Infuriating Part Chicago Black Man’s Face is Forever Changed After Being Tased By Police, But That’s…

MONDAY

AP: Sri Lankan Civilians Stay in War Zone Despite Lull

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ABC: Face Transplant Patient Doing Well; No Longer Responds to "Michael Steele"

BBC: Obama to Lift Cuba Restrictions; Lovers of Freedom Hate This, Not Sure Why

JJ: An Anti-Gay Marriage Commercial Parody

CK: Watch the White House Easter Egg Roll; No, It's Not a Dance

Bossip: Maybe…Maybe the Young Lady Doesn't Own a TV or Ears and Eyes

WP: An Early Military Win for Obama; Next Stop: China

WSJ: The Ice Man Speaketh: 'Everyone Should Pay Income Taxes'

NYT: White Woman Marries Colored, Has Baby; Under Duress Develops Racial Self-Awareness

WP: Realizing They're Fighting Somali Pirates, Navy Rescues Captain, Ask If He Likes Fishsticks

MW: GM Preparing for Possible Bankcruptcy (As Opposed to What We Don't Know)

WSJ: Thank You America, Can We Have Another?! Oil Industry Braces for Drop in Gas Demand

Reuters: China's Economy Improves, Japan's Doesn't; Japan Wishes It Was Opposite Day

NYT:Bo Knows the White House: First Family Finds Fido, Pooch Escapes Recession's Pinch*

NYT: Black Voters Dissatisfied with Gov. Paterson; Say to Friends, Colleagues "That's Your Boy"

PI: A Cutting Edge Concept: Obama's Influence Culture in Several Ways, Like Clothing For Example

ESPN: Bucs Sign Leftwich to 4-Year Deal; Team Execs Swear They've Seen Him Play

JA: Surviving Scientists Discuss Creating the Package from the Enola Gay

CNN: Shelter Offers Free Weddings for Homeless; Happy Couples Register at the Supermarket

*You Care Little, We're About the Same

TUESDAY

NYT: Obama on Economy: Pain Now, Gain Later

Reuters: Pirates: Still Feeling Froggy, Still Jackin' Ships (Not US Ships, But Still)

CSM: For N. Korea, Sanctions Hold Little Sway Because…Well…Come On Man, It's the UN

AP: Blago Gets Indicted, Pleads "Dude, I Didn't Do It"

USNWR: Depression Increases Risk of Heart Failure

WP: Number of Babies Born to Illegals Grows, But You're Not Paying for That (Right?)

AP: Smithsonian Picks Designer for Af-Am Museum

WP: FIU Ethers Own Hoop Program, Hire Isaiah Thomas to Coach

BB: Retail Sales Drop Unexpectedly in March, Analysts Fear Recession May Be Afoot

MSNBC: Mel Gibson's Wife Might Take Him to Cleaners in Divorce; Jesus Says, "Can't Help Ya Bro"

LAT: Phil Spector Gets Got; To Get Acquainted with Wall of Bars

WP: Goldman Posts Profit, Moves to Repay Rescue Money (No; You Aren't Dead)

MST: Stewart Smalley Saves Minnesota! Franken Wins U.S. Senate Seat

CNN: Poll: Obama Not Making US Less Safe; Just Ask Those Somali Chaps

AJE: Pirates Vow Revenge on US; SEAL Sniper: "My Finger Ain't Tired"

BBC: UN Condemns N. Korea Launch, Threaten to Show Up in Blue Helmets and Do Nothing

BET: Michigan School Closes Following Murder-Suicide

Forbes: Blacks Less Likely to Get Optimal Lung Cancer Treatment Along With Optimal Anything Else

NYDN: Suit Alleges White Cop Gunned Down Black Cop

USAT: We Hear Cleveland Is Lovely This Time of Year: The LeBrons Clinch Home Court Advantage

WEDNESDAY

GN: French Forces Capture 11 Pirates; Pirates Basically Ashamed

BB: Economy Sees Consumer Prices, Industrial Production Decline; Yup, We're Shocked Too

CNN: 'Robust Action' Could Curb Piracy; US Spells 'Robust' S-E-A-L-S

FOX: Accused Nazi Guard Unfit for Trial But Still In Better Shape Than People He Guarded

BBC: Right-Wing Groups 'Growing' in US Yet People Still Scoff at Palin's Chances in 2012

DMR: Blacks' Prison Disparity Grows in Iowa, Confusion Over Blacks in Iowa Period Does Same

Reuters: Having Seen The Godfather Part II, Travel Industry Cautious about Cuba

IW: AT&T Wants to Maintain Grip on iPhone Since It Pretty Much Has Nothing Else Going for It

EW: Foxx Apologizes on Leno; The Root's Jimi Izrael Among Pleased Parties

AP: Number of Blacks in Major Leagues Rises; Prospect of Fresh Steroids Scapegoats Promising

ABC: Adam Lambert: America's First Gay Idol? We Mean 'Openly' Gay of Course

Reuters: Obama Set to Name "Border Czar," Swears He's 'Pretty Sure' They Did Their Taxes

CT: Blagojevich Hoping to Appear on Reality Show, Buzz Doesn't Bother with Punchline

EW: You Got to Be Stoppin' Somethin': Michael Jackson Auction Called Off

USAT: My Only Love Sprung from My Only Hate! Duke's Paulus May Become Wolverine QB

BBC: Stem Cells 'Can Treat Diabetes'

LAT: Woman Charged with Killing Sandra Cantu

AJE: To the Gallows You Go: Members of Darfur Group Sentenced to Death

BET: Johnson Hair Care Products is Black-Owned Again; Waves and Finger Weaves Rejoice

Reuters: Blacks Try to Turn Obama Pride into Profit; Back to Drawing Board After Obama Fried Chicken

THURSDAY

NYT: John Madden Retires; Buzz Uncertain Where We'll Get 'Booms', 'Thwacks' From

BBC: Into Thin Air: Kenya 'Will Try Somali Pirates'

Forbes: Because They're Nothing If Not Haters. Wall St. Shrugs Off JPMorgan's Gains

Reuters: Faster Than a Speeding Bullet! Obama Unveils High-Speed Rail Plans

NYDN: Gov. Paterson Introduces Legislation to Legalize Gay Marriage

BB: Nokia Aims to Win Market Share; Buzz Unaware Nokia Still Existed

VOA: Russia Ends Operations in Chechnya Saying "Don't Make Us Come Back Here"

ABC: Even the Mall Isn't Safe: Foreclosures Strike Malls; Orange Julius, Spencer's in Jeopardy

CNN: Hulk Hogan Says He Could've OJ'd his Ex, Is Immediately Hit With Steel Folding Chair

BET: Mumia Supporters Pull Black Card, Implore Obama for Help

MH: Worked into a Lather, Teabaggers Look to Sack Tax Day; Some Satisfied, Others Left Feeling Blue

CNN: Dear Pirates, We're Developing Guns That'll Heat You Up from 5,280 Ft. 5,280.

USAT: Army Officials: Brain Injuries Overdiagnosed, Trauma from Concussive Explosives All in GIs' Heads

NYT: NSA Overstepped Legal Bounds, Still Urge You to Stay on the Grid While They 'Clear Up' the Issue

AJE: Abuse Claim Made Against Gitmo Guards; US Silent While…Hey the Obamas Have A New Dog!

BBC: India Goes to the Polls; Adam Lambert Considered a Dark Horse Favorite

WP: Obama Ballerific, Makes $2.6M Off Books; Uses Prez Check As Shoe Money

FOX: Suleman Wants to Trademark 'Octomom', Lease Out Uterus with Option to Buy

BET: Whites Overtaking Blacks on Drug Sentences (We Understand the Urge to Gloat, But Don't)

ESPN: Without King James, Lebrons Become Cavs Again and Promptly Lose

FRIDAY

BBC: Since Hatchet Men Are Handy, Obama Exempts CIA 'Torture' Staff

AP: China Wants US and N. Korea to Play Nice; US: "Yes Daddy"

Reuters: Dozens Feared Dead in Afghan Quake

LAT: Suspect to Plead Guilty in Oakland Journalist's Murder

AP: In Speech, Palin Takes Stand Against Abortion, Loves Guns, Can See Russia, Etc., Etc…

BW: With Recession, Google Goes From Ultra to Super Successful

Reuters: 3100 Jobs Lost on Wall St. in March; People Should Feel Bad, Don't

BH: Celtics Lose Garnett; ABC Prepares Kobe v. LeBron Finals Promos

CT: Oprah to Invade Twitter; Male Twitterers Prepare to Be Blamed for Stuff

PCM: Duffel Bag Boys Rejoice! T-Mobile Unveils New Sidekick

Straight From The Root

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