WP: AIG Discloses Use of Bailout Funds; You Didn't Get Any, But an Incompetent Did
Times of London: Thousands of Girls Mutilated in Britain
WSJ: Having Little Interest in Being Opposed, Chavez Sends Navy to Venezuela's Seaport to Make This Clear
AP: Imus Has Prostate Cancer; Rev. Al Sharpton to Protest This in Some Way
Reuters: Obama Turning to Volunteer Corps; Needs Help in 'Yes We Can (Spend More Money)' Budget Campaign
CNN: Model Audition Ends in Riot; Because of Bomb Scare, Not Tyra Being Insane
USAT: Kwame Kilpatrick's Ex Jump-Off Gets Out; Job Prospects Not as Good as His
BET: From Inkwell to Ink Spot: Pool of Black Stock Owners Drying
BBC: China Athletes 'Faked' Age; US Likely to Say Absolutely Nothing
USAT: March Madness Brackets Filled, Employers Brace for Downturn in Productivity
NYT: Cheney Says Obama Has Raised Security Risk; Probably Said from Wheelchair
ABC: Bernanke Says Lack of 'Political Will' in Way of Recovery; Buzz Thought It Was Thieves and Idiots
Al Jazeera: Captors Free Aid Workers in Darfur; Get Reacquainted with Slaughter of Civilians
HuffPo: White House Braces for Populist Backlash, Thinks Giving AIG All that Guap Wasn't So Bright
CSM: Job Loss Hits Black Men Hardest; Rebuttal to Data Probably Coming Shortly
THR: Tupac's Family Rips Morgan Creek Execs, File Suit; Lays Down Tracks for 'Hit 'Em Up' Remix
The Job: Sometimes, You Just Forget Your Color
Newsday: The Zing Heard 'Round the Hill: New Bill to Tax AIG Exec Bonuses at 100 Percent
The Guardian: Pope Says Condoms Would Make African AIDS Crisis Worse; No, for Real, He Said That
WP: New iPhone May Be on Horizon Because, You Know…that Whole 'Turbines of Industry' Thing
YT: Star Trek = Crazy Futuristic! So Where Are the Black Dudes?
NYT: Obama Looks to Aid Small Business; AIG Says "Define Small Exactly"
AJC: Hey Gang— St. Patty's Day Not Just for Drunk White Guys!
LAT: With Little Else to Do, Obama Decides to Chat with Leno
ABC: Prepare to Get Got, Ruth Madoff—The Feds Want Your Stuff
CNN: Scientist Develop Mosquito Death Ray; Buzz Glad They're Focused on Important Stuff
ESPN: Graduation Rates Vary Among Top Tourney Seeds, Will Not Help Your Bracket in the Least
BBC: Africa 'Risks Conflict' Without Aid from Economic Downturn; World Likely to Ignore This Claim
AJE: Bashir Vows to 'Sudanize' Country's Aid Work; Effort May or May Not Include Massacre of the Innocent
Politico: Senator Recommends Suicide for AIG Execs; People Raise Eyebrows, Secretly Feel Same Way
WP: Sisterhood of Powerful Black Women Coming to Fore in DC; Some Wear Sleeves, Others Don't
BBC: Can Catholicism Help Africa? The Buzz Is Gonna Take the Under on That
The Job: Yep, We're in a Recession*
J&J: Women's History Month Blurb on Angela Davis; Yes, It's Women's History Month
The Hill: AIG Employees—'We Deserve Our Coin'; Public Retorts with Sack of Nickels to their Mush
Bossip: Black Disney Princess Gets Jungle Fever; Buzz Uncertain 'Jungle Fever' Is PC Any Longer
Economist: Since the Fellas Have Clearly Screwed Up, Recession-Hit Co.'s Target Female Customers
AJE: Bashir Urges Rebels to Lay Down Arms, Says "You Know What the Alternative Is, Right"?
BET: Student Prevented from Wearing Obama Mask in Show; Robert Downey Jr. Flies to School in Protest
BG: Bush—Obama 'Deserves My Silence'; Adds 'It's Not Like I Can Say S**t Anyway, Right'?
USAT: Obesity Can Trim Ten Years Off Life; Irony of Obesity 'Trimming' Not Lost on Buzz
BBC: US Iranian Policy Shaping Up; Israel Prepared to Hate Anything Not Involving Annihilation
AJE: Darfur Peacekeeper Shot Dead; Bashir's 'Sudanizing' of Assassins Working Out Like Gangbusters
CNN: Family of Chimp Victim Want $50M; No One Asking Why Chimp Owner Had Chimp in Connecticut
ESPN: President Fills Out Tourney Bracket; Gov. Sanford Will Reject It from His Office Pool
Salon: Treasury Ready to Blame Chris Dodd Over AIG Bonuses; AIG in No Rush to Stop This
NYKR: Remember Roland Burris? The Knucklehead? No? Don't Worry, Jeffrey Toobin Does
DB: Where's the Bailout for Publishing? Liberal Bias Doesn't Write Itself You Know
BBC: Israeli Soldiers Admit Gaza Abuses; Israel Claims, 'But They're Not Really People, Ya Know'?
CNN: Bin Laden May or May Not Have Come Out with New Mixtape; SoundScan Has Been Weak of Late
NYT: Heart Failure Strikes Black More Often and at Younger Ages; Apparently Just Being Black Not Hard Enough
NYDN: Black Boys Four Times More Likely to Have Food Allergies; Apparently Just Being Black Boy Not Hard Enough
MJS: Black Community Should Be Encouraging Marriage; Buzz: 'What Black Community'?
Atlantic: Racism Ruins Everything (Unless It's in Private. Then It's Totally Cool)
THR: Vh1 to Bring Back 'Behind the Music'; Buzz Wondering What Took Them So Long
ESPN: Boxer Mayweather May Return to Ring; Boxing Is the Sport in the Square Without Kicking and Submissions
WP: Impeach the Pope? The Buzz Co-Signs, Relationship with Post Irrelevant
AP: Verdict Due in Fritzl Incest Case; Looking at Roughly…Forever and a Day
HuffPo: Jon Stewart Ethers White House Over Vet Insurance Plan; Is Justified
EW: Kanye West Brought Up on Charges; Oddly Enough, Abuse of Auto-Tune Not One
DB: More Pressure on Men in Bedroom? Female 'Headaches' Have Been on Rise
AJE: Central Bank Gives Economy $1.2T Boost; China: "While You've Got Your Purse Open…"
CNN: New Mexico Repeals Death Penalty; Texas Says, "More for Us"
BET: Meet Bakari Sellers, Feel Free to Begin Rampant Obama Comparisons…Now
BB: Lehman Stress Balls Coughed Up By Barclays; Bloomberg Headline, Not Ours
IHT: More Comes Out about Gaza killings; Israel Would Deny, But Knows How Much That Stinks in Reverse
FOX: Iranian Leaders Reject Prez's Gesture; Obama Says "Rahm, Fetch My Shinebox"
SR: 50 Cent Replaces Forrest Whitaker in Film; Apparently, Every Black Actor Ever Was Unavailable
The Job: Being Tan Is the Old Black
Forbes: Strip Club Holds Jobs Fair; Neither Set-Up nor Punchline in This Economy
Heritage: Blacks Definitely Trying to Perpetuate Species, Not Marriage
YT: A Wedding Disaster—You Might Feel Bad, But Not Bad Enough to Not Cackle with Delight
NYT: AIG Execs Getting Harassed, Claim Misery Will Make Them (Worse) Fiends
WP: Holder Tells Agencies to Open More Records; Agencies Ask to Just Be Called Cowards Instead
AP: African Union Suspends Madagascar; Whether with or without Pay Unknown
CNN: Desperate Japanese Head to 'Suicide Jungle'; Charles Grassley Feeling Extremely Topical This Week
BBC: Obama Skypes with Ahmadinejad, Iranian People; Offers 'New Beginning'
ESPN: Day One Pretty Predictable in Tourney; No Knee-Breaking Reported
HuffPo: Unhappy Anniversary—A Slideshow on Six Years in Iraq
THR: Mary J. Blige Cast in Next Tyler Perry Send-Up 'Tyler Perry's Something or Other that May Involve Drag'