MONDAY

WP: AIG Discloses Use of Bailout Funds; You Didn't Get Any, But an Incompetent Did

Times of London: Thousands of Girls Mutilated in Britain

WSJ: Having Little Interest in Being Opposed, Chavez Sends Navy to Venezuela's Seaport to Make This Clear

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AP: Imus Has Prostate Cancer; Rev. Al Sharpton to Protest This in Some Way

Reuters: Obama Turning to Volunteer Corps; Needs Help in 'Yes We Can (Spend More Money)' Budget Campaign

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CNN: Model Audition Ends in Riot; Because of Bomb Scare, Not Tyra Being Insane

USAT: Kwame Kilpatrick's Ex Jump-Off Gets Out; Job Prospects Not as Good as His

ESPN: The Game and the Grades Mean Scholarship, Right?

BET: From Inkwell to Ink Spot: Pool of Black Stock Owners Drying

BBC: China Athletes 'Faked' Age; US Likely to Say Absolutely Nothing

USAT: March Madness Brackets Filled, Employers Brace for Downturn in Productivity

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NYT: Cheney Says Obama Has Raised Security Risk; Probably Said from Wheelchair

LAT: Actor, Activist Ron Silver Dead at 62

ABC: Bernanke Says Lack of 'Political Will' in Way of Recovery; Buzz Thought It Was Thieves and Idiots

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CNN: Widow of Sammy Davis Jr. Dies

Al Jazeera: Captors Free Aid Workers in Darfur; Get Reacquainted with Slaughter of Civilians

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HuffPo: White House Braces for Populist Backlash, Thinks Giving AIG All that Guap Wasn't So Bright

CSM: Job Loss Hits Black Men Hardest; Rebuttal to Data Probably Coming Shortly

THR: Tupac's Family Rips Morgan Creek Execs, File Suit; Lays Down Tracks for 'Hit 'Em Up' Remix

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TUESDAY

The Job: Sometimes, You Just Forget Your Color

Newsday: The Zing Heard 'Round the Hill: New Bill to Tax AIG Exec Bonuses at 100 Percent

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The Guardian: Pope Says Condoms Would Make African AIDS Crisis Worse; No, for Real, He Said That

WP: New iPhone May Be on Horizon Because, You Know…that Whole 'Turbines of Industry' Thing

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YT: Star Trek = Crazy Futuristic! So Where Are the Black Dudes?

NYT: Obama Looks to Aid Small Business; AIG Says "Define Small Exactly"

AJC: Hey Gang— St. Patty's Day Not Just for Drunk White Guys!

LAT: With Little Else to Do, Obama Decides to Chat with Leno

USAT: Research Links Diabetes to Alzheimer's Risk

ABC: Prepare to Get Got, Ruth Madoff—The Feds Want Your Stuff

CNN: Scientist Develop Mosquito Death Ray; Buzz Glad They're Focused on Important Stuff

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ESPN: Graduation Rates Vary Among Top Tourney Seeds, Will Not Help Your Bracket in the Least

BBC: Africa 'Risks Conflict' Without Aid from Economic Downturn; World Likely to Ignore This Claim

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AJE: Bashir Vows to 'Sudanize' Country's Aid Work; Effort May or May Not Include Massacre of the Innocent

Politico: Senator Recommends Suicide for AIG Execs; People Raise Eyebrows, Secretly Feel Same Way

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WEDNESDAY

WP: Sisterhood of Powerful Black Women Coming to Fore in DC; Some Wear Sleeves, Others Don't

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BBC: Can Catholicism Help Africa? The Buzz Is Gonna Take the Under on That

The Job: Yep, We're in a Recession*

J&J: Women's History Month Blurb on Angela Davis; Yes, It's Women's History Month

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The Hill: AIG Employees—'We Deserve Our Coin'; Public Retorts with Sack of Nickels to their Mush

Bossip: Black Disney Princess Gets Jungle Fever; Buzz Uncertain 'Jungle Fever' Is PC Any Longer

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Economist: Since the Fellas Have Clearly Screwed Up, Recession-Hit Co.'s Target Female Customers

AJE: Bashir Urges Rebels to Lay Down Arms, Says "You Know What the Alternative Is, Right"?

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BET: Student Prevented from Wearing Obama Mask in Show; Robert Downey Jr. Flies to School in Protest

BG: Bush—Obama 'Deserves My Silence'; Adds 'It's Not Like I Can Say S**t Anyway, Right'?

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USAT: Obesity Can Trim Ten Years Off Life; Irony of Obesity 'Trimming' Not Lost on Buzz

BBC: US Iranian Policy Shaping Up; Israel Prepared to Hate Anything Not Involving Annihilation

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AJE: Darfur Peacekeeper Shot Dead; Bashir's 'Sudanizing' of Assassins Working Out Like Gangbusters

CNN: Family of Chimp Victim Want $50M; No One Asking Why Chimp Owner Had Chimp in Connecticut

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ESPN: President Fills Out Tourney Bracket; Gov. Sanford Will Reject It from His Office Pool

Salon: Treasury Ready to Blame Chris Dodd Over AIG Bonuses; AIG in No Rush to Stop This

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NYKR: Remember Roland Burris? The Knucklehead? No? Don't Worry, Jeffrey Toobin Does

DB: Where's the Bailout for Publishing? Liberal Bias Doesn't Write Itself You Know

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THURSDAY

BBC: Israeli Soldiers Admit Gaza Abuses; Israel Claims, 'But They're Not Really People, Ya Know'?

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CNN: Bin Laden May or May Not Have Come Out with New Mixtape; SoundScan Has Been Weak of Late

SJMN: Richard Aoki, Charter Member of Black Panthers, Dies in Berkeley

NYT: Heart Failure Strikes Black More Often and at Younger Ages; Apparently Just Being Black Not Hard Enough

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NYDN: Black Boys Four Times More Likely to Have Food Allergies; Apparently Just Being Black Boy Not Hard Enough

MJS: Black Community Should Be Encouraging Marriage; Buzz: 'What Black Community'?

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The Job: Stuff White People Like (to Complain About)*

Atlantic: Racism Ruins Everything (Unless It's in Private. Then It's Totally Cool)

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THR: Vh1 to Bring Back 'Behind the Music'; Buzz Wondering What Took Them So Long

ESPN: Boxer Mayweather May Return to Ring; Boxing Is the Sport in the Square Without Kicking and Submissions

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WP: Impeach the Pope? The Buzz Co-Signs, Relationship with Post Irrelevant

AP: Verdict Due in Fritzl Incest Case; Looking at Roughly…Forever and a Day

Time: The Day's Obligatory AIG Piece with a New Tim Geithner Angle. Enjoy.

HuffPo: Jon Stewart Ethers White House Over Vet Insurance Plan; Is Justified

EW: Kanye West Brought Up on Charges; Oddly Enough, Abuse of Auto-Tune Not One

DB: More Pressure on Men in Bedroom? Female 'Headaches' Have Been on Rise

AJE: Central Bank Gives Economy $1.2T Boost; China: "While You've Got Your Purse Open…"

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CNN: New Mexico Repeals Death Penalty; Texas Says, "More for Us"

BET: Meet Bakari Sellers, Feel Free to Begin Rampant Obama Comparisons…Now

FRIDAY

BB: Lehman Stress Balls Coughed Up By Barclays; Bloomberg Headline, Not Ours

IHT: More Comes Out about Gaza killings; Israel Would Deny, But Knows How Much That Stinks in Reverse

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FOX: Iranian Leaders Reject Prez's Gesture; Obama Says "Rahm, Fetch My Shinebox"

SR: 50 Cent Replaces Forrest Whitaker in Film; Apparently, Every Black Actor Ever Was Unavailable

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The Job: Being Tan Is the Old Black

Forbes: Strip Club Holds Jobs Fair; Neither Set-Up nor Punchline in This Economy

Heritage: Blacks Definitely Trying to Perpetuate Species, Not Marriage

YT: A Wedding Disaster—You Might Feel Bad, But Not Bad Enough to Not Cackle with Delight

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NYT: AIG Execs Getting Harassed, Claim Misery Will Make Them (Worse) Fiends

WP: Holder Tells Agencies to Open More Records; Agencies Ask to Just Be Called Cowards Instead

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AP: African Union Suspends Madagascar; Whether with or without Pay Unknown

CNN: Desperate Japanese Head to 'Suicide Jungle'; Charles Grassley Feeling Extremely Topical This Week

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AJE: Israeli Gaza Offensive Appears to Constitute "War Crime of Greatest Magnitude"

BBC: Obama Skypes with Ahmadinejad, Iranian People; Offers 'New Beginning'

ESPN: Day One Pretty Predictable in Tourney; No Knee-Breaking Reported

HuffPo: Unhappy Anniversary—A Slideshow on Six Years in Iraq

THR: Mary J. Blige Cast in Next Tyler Perry Send-Up 'Tyler Perry's Something or Other that May Involve Drag'