Son of Couple Charged in College Cheating Scandal Defends Parents While Smoking Blunt and Promoting Mixtape

Illustration for article titled Son of Couple Charged in College Cheating Scandal Defends Parents While Smoking Blunt and Promoting Mixtape
Photo: iStock

Gregory and Marcia Abbott obviously didn’t believe their daughter had the intelligence or requisite flair to make it into a top university on her own merit.


If their daughter is anything like their son, we can see why, thanks to the New York Post.

Smoking a blunt that appeared to have been rolled on a rollercoaster, Malcolm Abbott, the Twitter joke made flesh, whose parents were named in a New York Times report into a wide-reaching college admissions scandal, defended his parents while plugging his mixtape.

“I believe everyone has a right to go to college, man,” said Abbott, who later told the Post that he never attended college. Abbott’s father, founder of food and beverage distributor International Dispensing Corp., is accused of paying cheating scheme mastermind Rick Singer $125,000 to help his daughter cheat on her SAT and ACT tests along with his wife.

Her ACT score jumped from a decent 23 to a near-perfect 35 out of a possible 36 points, according to the investigation.

The ponytail rocking Abbott, in the midst of an act of defiance that could cost an unlucky black man his life, made sure to make good use of his time with Post reporters, plugging his—wait for it—mixtape between pulls overpriced mid-grade shake.

His mixtape, “Cheese and Crackers,” released in 2018 under the stage name Billa, features the young Abbott, whose Park Avenue home overlooks the Metropolitan Museum of Art, giving listeners (154 of them, to be exact!) a taste of his life, lived on the razor-thin line between obscene wealth and mere enviable wealth.


On “Good Cracker,” Billa’s Kurious-inspired flow weaves a tale of life in the drug game….as a manager.

Whipped it up on the 1st and 15th, got the shit cleaned,

And you know that I was living a dream,

And I never had to see no fiends because I had people outside working for me

Billa, the “young boy” who “grew up fucked up on 5th Avenue,” can be heard reliving his days as a jack boy on his song, conveniently titled “Jack Boy,” which features Oran Juice Jones II.

Pull a heist, pull a heist, pull a heist

Wrong or right, wrong or right, wrong or right,

I’m gettin’ mad cash every night

I’m bringing 5th Ave to the heights

And I’m white, old money new stack

You where the Gs at, we where the Jews at

Billa’s parents were released on $500,000 bond apiece, which seems like a miscarriage of justice. Based solely upon Billa’s 5-track EP, the Abbott parents should be allowed to illegally fund their son’s education for years to come.



Contributing Editor. When he's not pullin' up, he's usually jumpin' out. You can find him in the cut.



Bless his heart.