Somebody Spit on Eric Trump

Chicago police and the U.S. Secret Service detained a woman Tuesday evening on suspicion of second-degree loogie-hocking after the dumber of the Trump siblings reported that a bartender had extended the cityโ€™s traditional gesture of disapproval by spitting in Eric Trumpโ€™s stupid, stupid face. Suggested Reading Flint’s Water Crisis Ends With A Major Development Songs…

Chicago police and the U.S. Secret Service detained a woman Tuesday evening on suspicion of second-degree loogie-hocking after the dumber of the Trump siblings reported that a bartender had extended the cityโ€™s traditional gesture of disapproval by spitting in Eric Trumpโ€™s stupid, stupid face.

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The Daily Beast reports that the Secret Service questioned an employee at Chicago watering hole the Aviary on Tuesday night after another employee confirmed to authorities that a female worker at the โ€œintimate speakeasy ...serving classically inspired cocktails and vintage spiritsโ€ offered the executive vice president of the Trump organization a sample of classically inspired, vintage saliva.

https://twitter.com/AJGuglielmi/status/1143721720622149633?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Or maybe she thought Eric needed a little more hair gel.

Eric reportedly arrived at the bar with a few friends when a woman said โ€œsomething that sounded anti-Trumpโ€ and projectile-drooled on him around 8:30 p.m. Secret Service agents charged with protecting the partial heir to the Trump tax-avoidance empire reportedly leaped into action and handcuffed the woman.

Eric declined to press charges, although he may have done so because he was uncomfortable filling out the forms, as he wasnโ€™t sure if โ€œspitโ€ has one โ€œtโ€ or two. The female phlegm-flinger was later released and the Secret Service declined to say if she was freed becauseโ€”according to the Steele Dossierโ€”Trump men donโ€™t particularly mind being sprayed with body fluids. However, the Chicago spitter may be eligible for deportation under the Trump administrationโ€™s aggressive immigration policy after ICE agents declared that the womanโ€™s mouth-mucus is technically a foreign substance.

Calling it โ€œa disgusting act by somebody who clearly has emotional problems,โ€ Eric Trump apparently checked the slobber-sprayerโ€™s political affiliation, called Breitbart News and said: โ€œFor a party that preaches tolerance, this once again demonstrates they have very little civility. When somebody is sick enough to resort to spitting on someone, it just emphasizes a sickness and desperation and the fact that weโ€™re winning.โ€

The Aviary issued a statement calling the interaction an โ€œunfortunate incidentโ€ and explained that โ€œno customer should ever be spit upon.โ€ The establishment revealed that they placed the worker on leave while denigrating the womanโ€™s marksmanship or our political discourse by suggesting that we should all โ€œaim higher,โ€ adding:

Hundreds of people are calling for the demise of our business, threatening our employees and posting fake reviews... they are wrong to do so based on the actions of a lone individual.

So too, however, are those people wrong who are praising this as an act of civil disobedience.

https://twitter.com/MaryAnnAhernNBC/status/1143908119644450818?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

While the alleged spitter remains unidentified, her saliva is currently polling somewhere between Amy Klobuchar and John Hickenlooper in the Democratic primary presidential polls, technically qualifying the womanโ€™s throat juice for tonightโ€™s debate.

There is no truth to the reports that say โ€œmaking it rainโ€ on a Trump was the fulfillment of black Americaโ€™s collective bucket list.

The Root also could not confirm the rumor that Ericโ€™s expectorate ejector was immediately hired by Jussie Smollett as a personal trainer.

Straight From The Root

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