There was a time when sex on the first date was considered taboo. Is that still a thing?

To be clear, most times when this was and is talked about, it’s in reference to women and never men. No one ever looks down on the man who “gets some” on the first date, but the woman who “gives it up” on the first date is considered “easy” or a “ho” for doing what she wants with her body.

Such arguments are steeped in religion and patriarchy. A woman’s body is considered her greatest virtue, and giving it to anyone but her husband would be the worst thing she could ever do. In fact, women who assume agency over their own bodies are frowned upon for just about anything; you can see this evidenced whenever the infamous “body count” discussion comes up on Twitter.

There are those who believe that a woman who has sex with a man on the first date will never be taken seriously by him. Never mind that they are two consenting adults who participated with each other in the same activity. She is the one who is looked down upon. It’s ridiculous.

A lot of people have deeply religious backgrounds, and the church has given people a lot of unnecessary hangups where sex is concerned. You can’t touch yourself and learn your own body, and you damn sure can’t let anyone else touch it and learn it. Sexual repression and abstinence are the gospel, and in a lot of cases, that can lead to unhealthy sexual ideation and behaviors later in life.


I am of the belief that it’s up to the two people involved whether or not they want to bump uglies on the first date, but I am a woman who has participated in a one-night stand or two, and I see nothing wrong with it as long as you practice safe sex.

What happens when you are out for the first time and the vibe is incredibly strong? What happens when both of you are feeling that attraction that pulls your pelvises together like magnets?

Any man who will have sex with you on the first date, then claim not to respect you after the fact, is a hypocrite. Sir, you did it, too. What makes you above reproach, if we are judging at all?


Sexual exploration is a big part of being an adult. Consenting adults should be allowed to do whatever they want with each other as long as they do so willingly and safely.

Sex on the first date can be an icebreaker. You’ve gotten some of the awkwardness out of the way. You have determined whether or not you are sexually compatible. You can move on to the freak shit on the next date.

Or not. Either way, it’s completely up to you. Other people’s opinions on it should not ever be a consideration in what you, as an adult, choose to do with your body.


I was curious about this topic, though, so I posted a poll on Twitter to see what my followers and their friends thought about it.

Of the 546 people who took the time to answer the survey, 83 percent said that they believed sex on the first date was fine. A small group, 17 percent, believed that people should wait before having sex.


I asked people to expand on their answers if they were willing to be quoted for this column.

One gentleman said that he believed sex on the first date was a bad idea if you were looking to get into a relationship. I asked him why, and another person responded and said because sex clouds your judgment.


I get that people can be dickmatized, but if that is your problem, you probably have some other shit to work out besides whether or not you should have sex on the first date.

Not that I am above or talking down on people who have been or are currently dickmatized, because bitch, I know the struggle.


There was a gentleman who said he’s never done it but that he is all for it because he wants a preview of things to come.

There were more than a few married women who responded to my query and said that not only had they had sex on the first date, but they eventually married the man with whom they had the first-date sex, which dispels the assumption that men won’t see value in a woman who lies down with them on the first date.



There were plenty of people who believed you should do what you want to do.


The bottom line here is simple—do what feels right for you. In the end, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your actions or your choices. They are personal.

The idea that sex on the first date will preclude anyone, most especially a woman, from finding long-term loving relationships is dumb and needs to go away.


It is at times like these that I remember a motto I repeat over and over again on Twitter:

Mind your own pussy.