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The other day, I got a notification on Snapchat that a man I wasn’t sure I knew added me. It said that he had added me by my user name, and his user name looked somewhat familiar, so, thinking it was possible we were already connected via social media, I added him back.

Yesterday morning, when I woke up, I had a chat message from him. I clicked it, and to my horror, I was greeted with a video of his rather large penis being swung around like a weapon as some sort of advertisement for ... I don’t know what, exactly.

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I was livid. I did not know this person, and it was annoying that his means of introducing himself to me was sending an unsolicited video of his bare penis waving in the air like some sexual greeting card. I wasn’t entertained. I wasn’t amused. I wasn’t intrigued, aroused or suddenly interested in him after having seen his penis. In fact, I felt attacked.

Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon occurrence for me. I am sex-positive, and I speak openly about sex and sex-related topics, so there are those who see this as an open invitation to throw pictures displaying their man parts either into my DMs or in my mentions on Twitter. I am always jarred when this happens.

Think of social media as the streets of the internet. If you were to walk up to a woman in the streets of your city, randomly pull your penis out and wave it at her, you would be arrested and charged at the very least with indecent exposure. Why do you think it’s OK to do this to women on the internet?

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Consent is an important issue that often gets overlooked because we live in a society steeped in rape culture. There is more victim-blaming than there is explaining to boys and men the proper ways to deal with their sexual urges. As I said recently on a podcast, men aren’t always taught healthy ways to deal with their sexual urges and desires, and so they often act without impulse control.

We women are tasked with dealing with these unwanted advances, skirting around fragile masculinities, and being able to turn men down while fearing for our lives and our safety. This is a real thing, even on the internet.

Not too long ago, a man with a 14-inch penis plopped his gigantic monster in my mentions on Twitter. I saw the picture, commented on the timeline (but not directly to him) that it looked scary to me and moved on about my business.

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About an hour later, he popped up in my mentions again, this time angrily asking me if I was even going to acknowledge it or say something to him. I asked him what he wanted me to say, and he told me he was upset that I had discussed his penis “like a science project” but not told him what I thought of it.

I found this to be strange, and I told him that I had no interest in his penis whatsoever. His response to this was to send several more pictures and a video that showed him in action inside another woman. Eww.

(As an aside, and we can have the size discussion at another time, but 14 inches? No one wants a sexual hysterectomy, beloved. No one.)

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I get it. For some men, their penis is their crowning achievement in life, and a dickture, as I like to call them, is their calling card. They believe if they show you how big (which is subjective, by the way, but again, a discussion for another day) their “manhood” is, you will swoon, take off your clothes and beg them to take you right now.

That’s not how that works. That’s not how any of this works.

Fellas, when we want to see pictures of your penis, we will ask you for them. I have, in fact, asked men to show me before. They have responded affirmatively. This is how it works. Consent is a two-way street.

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I have some very artsy pictures of me with my breasts bare. They are large and pretty, and I like the way they look in the photos. Imagine me just indiscriminately sending them into people’s inboxes. That would be out of control. I, too, have to get consent. It is just the way things work.

Or, rather, the way things should work.

Just because I talk openly about dick doesn’t mean I want your dick. And if you justify the sending of unsolicited dicktures by saying I talk about sex all day anyway, then you are the personification of rape culture.

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That’s like saying I deserve to be raped because of what I was wearing. Again, that’s not how any of this works.

I’m cool with you thinking I’m pretty. I’m cool with you being sexually attracted to me. I may even be cool with seeing your penis, but you should always ask first.

Shoving your dick in someone’s face, even via the internet, is sexual harassment.

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Please stop doing this immediately.