Operation Save Jake
JAKE IS ALIVE! Somehow, Russell stabbed Jake 22 times, but missed all his major organs. Nonetheless, Jake is barely hanging on, so B613 agent Charlie calls a Russian doctor to stitch Jake back together in an underground dungeon (because rogue B613 agents don’t qualify for Obamacare).
However, the doctor won't save Jake unless Olivia agrees to help his friend “Black Sable,” a former KGB hit woman-turned-“Mary Peterson,” a cookie-baking grandmother of two. Mary began working for the KGB to escape poverty in Russia, but she found Jesus and a family and tapped out of the game 27 years ago . . . until someone left instructions for a hit on her car window the day before. Mrs. Doubtfire was no longer about that life and she needed Olivia’s help to keep it that way.
In the meantime, Rowan knows Jake isn't dead because Olivia hasn't called him raging from the rooftops. After giving Russell a second chance to kill Jake, Russell reports back, “I called your daughter, but she wouldn’t bite.” Rowan coolly sets his drink down and casually shoots Russell in the arm. “Maybe now she will.” Cold-blooded.
Russell calls Olivia from his hospital bed and Huck drugs him while Olivia smashes his phone so no one can trace his whereabouts as they take him back to Jake’s makeshift underground hospital room. Why would Olivia take her three-night stand back to Jake’s special special-care unit? Her life skills are surprisingly soft for her to be Washington, D.C.’s top fixer.
Olivia tracks down the Russian handler who gave Mary the hit instructions, but she can only persuade him to leave Mrs. Doubtfire alone in exchange for giving him Command’s burner phone so he can deliver the head of B613 to Putin. Bet.
Meanwhile, as Huck, Quinn, David and Charlie are in a huddle in Jake’s special special-care unit trying to figure out how to stay alive, Russell tries to kill Jake again. Jake can’t move or talk, but he’s able to make just enough noise to get the gang to rush to his aid before Russell can succeed. At this point, Russell should consider killing himself because Command isn't going to go for a second failed attempt to kill Jake.
By the time Olivia goes to update Mrs. Doubtfire, Papa Pope has already killed her, her two grandkids and her handler. He tells Olivia on the phone, “Against me, you will never win.” Ice cold.
Spooked, Olivia goes back to Jake’s special special-care unit and tells the team that they have to drop “Operation End B613” before they all end up dead. Of course, she's doing all of this talking in front of Russell. C’mon, Liv, tighten up!
That night, Russell is on the phone at Olivia’s apartment reporting in hushed tones to Command that Olivia and friends have ended their witch hunt. Rowan says it’s time for them to “initiate Foxtail.” Moments later, as Olivia is about to get the party started by straddling Russell in some sexy lingerie, she whips out a gun and holds it to his head like it’s the new forehead kiss. She lets him know that she’s on to him and she wants to know what Foxtail is. Yes! Thank goodness the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. But, seriously, when will Olivia ever meet a man who isn’t working for her father?
Operation Save Mellie
While Olivia and friends are trying to save Jake, the White House is trying to save Mellie’s Senate campaign. The American people are concerned about a senator sharing a bed with the president, and former Vice President Sally Langston—current host of The Liberty Report—is the most vocal. To fix things, Fitz forces Cyrus to appear on Sally’s show for an interview. Sally says that by running for Senate, Mellie is renouncing her job as a mother. Cyrus says that we shouldn’t diminish motherhood by calling it a job, which you get paid for and can quit. Sally suggests that Mellie gets perks like free fried chicken. Cyrus cleverly retorts, “You’re saying women should get paid in fried chicken now?” He throws down the ultimate trump card when he calls her a misogynist and asks her about her late husband, “Would you have stopped Daniel Douglas from working outside of the home?”
Nonetheless, the debate fails to persuade the American people, and Fitz’s ratings start to drop. Mellie’s campaign manager, Elizabeth North, suggests that Mellie announce that she and Fitz are divorcing in order to distance herself from Fitz, but Mellie won’t have it. So Fitz dials his favorite lifeline, Olivia, who comes through with the game-winning idea—embrace the conflict by saying that it isn’t a conflict at all. During her next stump speech, Mellie essentially tells voters to vote for her because she sleeps with the president and has his ear. Brilliant. With that, Olivia saves her lover and her other lover’s wife all in one episode.
By the way, what is Foxtail? And can it please involve “eliminating” Sally Langston??
Akilah Green is a recovering Washington, D.C., lawyer-lobbyist-politico turned TV and film writer and producer living in Los Angeles. She currently works for Chelsea Handler’s Netflix talk show, Chelsea. She has also worked as a staff writer for Kevin Hart’s production company, HartBeat Productions, and as a consultant for Real Time With Bill Maher on HBO. In addition, she co-wrote and is producing Scratch, an indie horror-comedy feature film, and is a regular contributor to The Root. Follow Green’s adventures in La La Land on her blog, Twitter and Facebook.