Republican Gets Spine for Christmas, Finds That Mitch McConnell Is Shady AF

Alaska Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R)
Alaska Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R)
Photo: Zach Gibson (Getty Images)

In news that can only be described as shocking, Alaska Sen. Lisa Murkowski told an Anchorage TV station that she’s “disturbed” by Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s (R-Ky.) admission that he’s already decided his position on Trump’s impeachment.


McConnell, the result of a turtle falling in love with a boat shoe and having unprotected sex, has openly admitted that he’s rooting for the White House and has called the entire case for Trump’s impeachment “so darn weak there is “zero chance” Trump would be removed from office, the Washington Post reports.

McConnell, the personification of Atlanta mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms’ cheese and noodles, even went so far as to note that he plans “total coordination” with the White House and Trump’s defense team.

And Sen. Murkowski is not here for it. From the Post:

Murkowski told NBC affiliate KTUU that she believes there should be distance between the Senate, which will serve as the jury for Trump’s impeachment trial, and the White House. McConnell’s comments, she said, have “further confused the process.”

“To me, it means we have to take that step back from being hand in glove with the defense,” Murkowski said.

Murkowski also claimed that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) rushed impeachment and claimed that the House should have taken subpoena issues to court when Acting White House Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney ignored a subpoena and former national security adviser John Bolton refused to testify. The House moved on without Mulvaney’s or Bolton’s testimony and voted to impeach the white overlord of hatred and tanning products.


Because McConnell, the living embodiment of vomiting inside a grocery bag, runs the Senate and has shown his hand, Pelosi has been slow to send the articles of impeachment from the House to the Senate until she believes she can get a fair trial.

McConnell, the physical manifestation of garbage truck juice, called the process “absurd” and his handler, Trump, has called Pelosi’s delay and the trial an “Impeachment Scam,” the Post notes.


This isn’t the first time that Murkowski has gone against her party in pushing for common sense and transparent governing.

“After Supreme Court Justice Brett M. Kavanaugh was investigated in 2018 by the Senate Judiciary Committee over allegations of sexual misconduct, Murkowski bucked her party and voted against his confirmation,” the Washington Post reports.


Trump claimed Murkowski hated him during a November fundraising event in Washington, “She hates me. I kind of like her, but she really doesn’t like me,” he said, the Post notes. “We do so much for Alaska, you’d think we’d get her vote for something one of these days.”

Murkowski didn’t say how she intends to vote but added that she isn’t going to be bullied or intimidated.


“If it means that I am viewed as one who looks openly and critically at every issue in front of me rather than acting as a rubber stamp for my party or my president, I’m totally good with that,” Murkowski said. “I am totally, totally good with that.”

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.


Bae Bae Watt

Wake me up when any of these cowards actually stand up for something, vs. just being “disappointed” or “disturbed”. They’re all a bunch of craven shitheels, and deserve no accolades.

I almost ended that sentence with “until they do something about this”, but fuck that. The Republican party is so far gone, them doing the right thing is considered groundbreaking.