On Sunday’s episode of Insecure, we followed along as Issa worked to navigate the seas of casual relationships. She referred to her growing roster of datable and fuckable men as her “hotation,” which is a cute and clever name for something many women (and, of course, men, but we are going to talk about women in this moment) have been managing for generations.
I have personally referred to mine as a “dick-a-dex,” but the concept is the same. In the world of casual sex and casual dating, we all for the most part have a list of regulars that we deal with—a roster, if you will—and there can be any number of players on that list, from the starter all the way down to the bench warmer, who may see only a few minutes each season.
You are both the coach and the general manager of this team, so it is your duty to manage it properly.
Much like the players on a professional sports team, the members of your hotation/dick-a-dex roster can be shuffled and rotated at any given time, depending on the player’s personal performance, your mood and your relationship with any giver player on the roster at the moment.
If we continue with this sports analogy, then your roster and the way you manage it may look something like this:
Of all the players on your team, he is your favorite. He is the one for whom you will rise from a deep slumber, take off your bonnet, and put on lipstick and sexy music at 3 a.m. because he called and said he wanted to come over. He gets more privileges than the other players, and you shower favor upon him because he is the No. 1 stunner. He’s the first one you call when you are in need of sexual healing, and he may even be the one you spend the most time with. Although he is aware of the existence of other players, he knows his position on the squad, and he is secure in it. When he’s not available, you call up the No. 2.
The second string is not the starter, but he is a close-enough runner-up that they could be interchangeable. When the starter is not available, the second string is a welcome substitute. He is just as satisfying, just as entertaining and just as likable as the starter, but for whatever reason, you have decided he’s the No. 2 man now, and he’s the first one you call when No. 1 is not available. Or maybe you just call him because you are in the mood for some No. 2. Either way, he is also a favorite, you have ready access to him and he is here for you, too. And when he’s not, or you are just looking for something different, you can always go to the bench.
The bench is where you put all the players that did not make the No. 1 or No. 2 spot. It is possible that a player on the bench was once in the No. 1 or No. 2 spot and, for whatever reason, got demoted. That’s what the bench is for. You still like his ass, but that time he came over drunk, busted his nut a little too quickly, and then rolled over and snored loudly while you and your vagina simultaneously smacked your lips in disgust and dissatisfaction caused him to get downgraded. The bench also holds promoted D-leaguers (we’ll get to that in a minute) that you are considering allowing more time in the rotation.
The bench is where your core players are. These are the ones that can be substituted into the game in a pinch, and then go back to their position on the bench until you need to call them up again.
And sometimes you call them up just because you like that special move they have, and even though they are not No. 1 or No. 2, they do that move better than anyone else, and you like having them around.
The bottom line is, everyone should have a good, solid bench. You never know when you will have to go to it when another player isn’t able to perform.
And most players on the bench got their start in the D-league.
First off, let’s make it clear that being in the D-league is not a bad thing. In fact, most players in the hotation roster get their start in the D-league.
The D-league is where we put the players who are here for their tryout to see how well they fit in with the team.
It’s that dude you met at the club who took you to breakfast after, and you think something might be there, but you aren’t sure.
This is the testing ground and the proving ground. Test them out and let them prove themselves. Some will eventually get moved up to the bench, and some may not make the squad at all. That’s OK; this is what the D-league is for.
While players can be moved from the D-league up to the bench, or from a starting position down to the bench, the only demotion from the bench is to be cut from the team. There are new players everywhere looking to be recruited; there’s no need to carry around dead weight on your squad.
No matter what their position is on the roster, treat all your players with dignity and respect. You get out of the roster what you put into it, and attitude plays big here. It doesn’t matter how big your roster is if none of the players are answering your call because you act like a bitch.
Remember, quality is important, too. Don’t go adding a million players to the roster just to say you have one. Be discerning, choose wisely and definitely don’t add more players to the team than you can successfully manage. Your roster is a reflection of you.
That being said, don’t be afraid to experiment a little. Mix it up. Add diversity. Try something new. Do it knowing that many women before you have traveled along this same path, and many of them have been quite successful at it.
Now, come on ladies; put these men in hotation.