There’s one in every Black family. And while we all deal with their presence, some are not shy about giving these men the side eye. A psychologist would say that they are family enmeshed, but Black folks have another name for them: a mama’s boy. I thought this was a uniquely Black phenomenon, but The Girlfriend on Amazon Prime Video shows us that our melanatedly challenged brothers and sisters deal with them too. The show, though focused on two white women and a white man, has Black women talking about mama’s boys, but men…we need to have a conversation about this also.
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We know how these men get down. They may stay in their mother’s house well into their late 20s and 30s. (That’s being kind. I know some men who still live at their mama’s house well into their 40s.) They date, but the needs of their romantic partners are often secondary to what their mothers want. And they are constantly consulting the advice of their mother for every decision they must make. We all know that guy.
It’s time for us to be honest. It is undeniable that mothers are raising their sons to be this way.
Many of these women do not have the father of the sons active in their lives. Almost 50% of Black mothers are raising their sons alone. That is a staggering amount. So, it is understandable why some of these women coddle their sons in such a way that the boy grows to be codependent with the mother. It’s hard raising Black men alone in America.
But even when the father is present, there is a tendency to treat Black boys differently than girls. It is common in Black families for sons to get spoiled by their moms while daughters are coached to be resourceful and resilient.
Many of us have seen this first-hand. Single mothers who coddle their sons in an attempt to make up for a father who is not there. As well intentioned as that impulse can be, it often has unintended consequences.
There are too many Black boys who were raised by overprotective mothers who have not grown to be successful Black men. Too many live at home with their mothers. More still have children but are not with the mother of their child. And when they are forced to choose either the woman who gave them life or the person who makes them happy, they choose the former over the latter.
This is not to say that Black men should discard their mothers. We should love, protect and provide for them if they need it. However, there comes a time when Black boys must grow into Black men. That is something that Mama’s boys struggle to do.
Look, America is a difficult place to raise Black men. This is doubly hard if a woman is raising that son without the help of the father. But raising a son to be a mama’s boy isn’t the answer.
And men…c’mon. If you are 30 and still living at home, borrowing money from your mom and can’t commit to a partner because your mother doesn’t like them…it’s time to grow up.
No more excuses. It is time to stand on your own two feet.
Straight From 
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