Pro-COVID Parents Are Fighting School Mask Mandates With White Tears

Illustration for article titled Pro-COVID Parents Are Fighting School Mask Mandates With White Tears
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I don’t like wearing masks.

The only reason I wear them is that I have this thing about killing other people. My lack of a degree in virology combined with my reticence about coughing to death as my chest fills with lung-snot has placed me squarely in the not-wanting-to-die-so-I-guess-I’ll-wear-this-piece-of-cloth-on-my-face camp.


But there is a group of Caucasian anti-maskers who are standing up to the pro-facts agenda. These fragile but brave souls are not just afraid to risk their lives, they are willing to put their children’s lives on the line because that thing they read on Facebook contradicts the “near-unanimous endorsement” of face coverings to prevent the spread of the coronavirus. And, as schools across America open up, advocates for school-based superspreader events are beginning to speak out all over the country.

In Alabama, reports about 50 parents showed up at a Monday evening meeting at Hoover City Schools to express their outrage over the school district’s mask mandate that will extend through next year. Some broke into tears while others recited the preamble to the Declaration of Independence before ranting about their Constitutional rights that are not in the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence.

“There is no data to support this virus spreading to or from school-aged children to the degree of which would warrant this type of policy,” said Jeff Davis, who noted his experience in the biotech industry but actually works as an account manager for a pharmaceutical company. (Of course we checked!) “Furthermore, there is zero data that supports mask, face coverings, shields and/or gaiters, reducing the incidence of contracting or transmission of COVID-19.”

Seriously, this is a thing that is happening all over the country. In Florida, Moms for Liberty recently showed up at the Brevard County School Board meeting to petition the district to drop its mandatory mask policy, Florida Today reports. Armed with data from a non-scientific journal that is literally called Medical Hypothesis, they presented a Stanford University study that did not come from Stanford University, anyone who works there or anyone who attended the school.

When white people use the word ‘liberty,” you know it’s about to be something fucked up. And I know this happened in Florida and Alabama, where practicing medicine without a license is no big deal (that’s not a joke). But just in case you think these are isolated incidents, you should know:

  • Arizona: Virus lovers from around the state “stormed” a Vail School District meeting to protest the school board’s mask policy. So many showed up that police had to respond
  • North Carolina: Parents, community leaders and members of the school board applauded Carrie Boller’s efforts to organize voters to put anti-maskers on the Iredell-Statesville Board of Education.
  • Georgia: In Gwinnett County, a mom went full Becky to a round of applause when she demanded an end the mandate because “everyone knows children are not affected by the virus.”
  • Ohio: One school district made masks optional and another did away with them altogether because officials had concerned parents “blow up” their phones. Another group of parents sued the state health department’s director because they wanted their children to taste liberty (and probably coronavirus).
  • Michigan: In Hudsonville, they stormed a school board meeting like it was a capital, chanting “enough is enough!” In Howell, the school board was forced to adjourn early because of “capacity limits” even though the meeting took place in the school auditorium.

The nationwide pro-death movement is happening everywhere, from New York to South Carolina. In Utah, they’re protesting and filing lawsuits. In Newton, Kansas, parents won the right for their children to be unmasked.

Look, I understand. I also don’t like driving while wearing seatbelts, driving the speed limit or having to stop when a traffic light turns red. I believe adults in a free society should get to choose whether or not they want to respect traffic signals without big government telling us what to do. The only reason I don’t drive 95 miles per hour through red lights while steering the car with my feet is that liberty-hating liberals made these laws to take away my “freedoms.”


I guess I’m just pro-life.

I’m sure that’s in the Declaration of Independence.

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.



These fuckwits are everywhere. I live in Wisconsin, and, because Wisconsin's got some Florida envy or something, one of the repub candidates for governor is a freedom humping jackass who's telling parents and students to resist mask mandates in schools because he alleges that the mandates violate state codes. One of my fellow teachers posts his shit on Facebook all the time and beats the same drum. It's like they have never heard of school rules or in loco parentis, both of which give schools somewhat broad license to decide and act upon what's best for kids. If schools can tell your kids they're not allowed to wear bikinis or Budweiser t-shirts to school, they sure as shit can tell you that you have to wear a mask. These parents are the fucking worst.