Illustration for article titled President Trump Is Personally Trying to Keep Fact Checkers Employed to Boost His Employment Numbers (That’s a Lie)
Photo: Scott Olson (Getty Images)

Let’s just get to the “This Can’t Be Life” punchline first: According to the Washington Post’s Fact Checker Database, a directory that keeps track of claims made by one President Donald J. Trump, in the 828 days since he’s been in office (and as of April 27, 2019), Trump has made 10,011 false or misleading claims. That’s not a typo, kids, Mr. President is outchea selling all of the wolf tickets, handing out wooden nickels and talking out of the side of his neck. That is 12 WTFs a day, folks.


I have two children ages 4 and 2 in my house, and I’m sure combined they aren’t leading me astray 12 times a day combined (there is no home fact checker to confirm or deny this claim). But even if they were, they are not the leader of the free world, no Poppa Doc. That’s an 8 Mile reference.

But The Donald is. And The Donald is out here trying to role model to the future by demonstrating that lies, fabrications and falsehoods aren’t only a way of life, they’re an effective way to do business. For some context, from the Post:

It took President Trump 601 days to top 5,000 false and misleading claims in The Fact Checker’s database, an average of eight claims a day.

But on April 26, just 226 days later, the president crossed the 10,000 mark — an average of nearly 23 claims a day in this seven-month period, which included the many rallies he held before the midterm elections, the partial government shutdown over his promised border wall and the release of the special counsel’s report on Russian interference in the presidential election.

This milestone appeared unlikely when The Fact Checker first started this project during his first 100 days. In the first 100 days, Trump averaged less than five claims a day, which would have added up to about 7,000 claims in a four-year presidential term. But the tsunami of untruths just keeps looming larger and larger.


Effectively, if this man is talking, there’s a better than some percentage chance (my math’s not so good as mine English) that he’s espousing untruths. And what topic was his favorite to take to the Bank of Mislead and Erroneous? Glad you asked.

Trump’s favorite lies, rumors, rumors and lies, were about his wall. He repeatedly suggested that the wall was coming. Like 160 times. But he also enjoyed a pleasant romp with an ill-informed tirade about which trade partners we’re losing out to and a quick jaunt down re-memory lane about passing the largest tax cut in history. Ain’t no fax, bih.

Point is, your president is a lie and a cheat and I’m sure Katherine Jackson don’t want him either. Because if he’s speaking, he’s lying to me and you, your mama and you cousin, too. When it comes to fake news, I suppose it takes one to know one.

On the positive side, the fact checker industry has to be booming.

America, fuck yeah.

Panama Jackson is the Senior Editor of Very Smart Brothas. He's pretty fly for a light guy. You can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking all her brown liquors.

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