Portland Police Falsely Accuse Antifa Protesters of Hurling ‘Quick Dry Cement.’ They Were Just Vegan Milkshakes

Illustration for article titled Portland Police Falsely Accuse Antifa Protesters of Hurling ‘Quick Dry Cement.’ They Were Just Vegan Milkshakes
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Over the weekend, left-wing and alt-right protesters faced off in Portland, Ore., which, quite frankly, has become a fairly regular occurrence. What makes this particular clash at a Portland Proudboys rally noteworthy is the dumbassery on display by the Portland Police Bureau, who claimed—without any evidence—that protesters were throwing around milkshakes full of quick-dry cement during the demonstrations.


Beloved, these were just regular-degular vegan milkshakes.

According to the Portland Mercury, Popular Mobilization, a left-leaning group attending Sunday’s protests, handed out hundreds of vegan milkshakes to protest participants.

“Several people ended up throwing their 12-ounce milkshakes at people associated with the alt-right and at PPB officers—but most people consumed the coconut milk-based treats,” the Mercury writes.

Strangely, not a single person reported any symptoms that you think would be associated with digesting quick-dry cement (Gas? Constipation? Being stuck in place like Wile E. Coyote trying to trap the Road Runner?). That didn’t stop Portland police from posting the unsubstantiated claim on social media, where everyone from NBC News to Fox News repeated it in their news write-ups.

As Mother Jones reports, the cement milkshake angle took on a life of its own on right-wing websites like PJ Media, which ran the headline: “Conservative Journalist Andy Ngo Beaten Up and Hit With Cement.”


A Portland Police Bureau spokesperson explained the origins of the claim to the Mercury: A lieutenant broadcasted “his observation of a cup with [what] appeared to have material on it consistent with quick drying cement.”

Basically: This vegan milkshake looks like some chalky grey shit. Rude! (And more saliently, milkshakes with weird textures are not an actual criminal offense! Yet!)


PBB said they put the tweet out “to bring attention to this potential hazard and to encourage people to contact us if they were the victim of a crime.”

According to the Mercury, Portland police said they received an anonymous email from someone sharing a cement milkshake “recipe” online, but it was sent after the bureau published their widely circulated tweet.


As of Tuesday morning, the unverified claim was still up on the Portland police Twitter account.

Staff writer, The Root.


Gin and Panic

I guess I’d be giving Portland PD too much benefit of the doubt if I said they would know quick-drying cement doesn’t work like it does in Roadrunner cartoons.