Politics
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Trump to Announce Supreme Court Nominee in Prime Time Because He’s a Drama Queen
President Shoo-Shoo Von ApprenticeFace only knows how to win the ratings. He’s yet to realize that running the country isn’t a popularity contest and as such, Donald Trump is building anticipation for his Supreme Court nominee announcement as if he’s LeBron famously saying “I’m going to take my talent to South Beach.” And we all…
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‘Where Are the Babies, Mitch?’ Protesters Confront Mitch ‘Turtle Head’ McConnell Outside Restaurant
Unlike Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) was able to enjoy his meal of Hungarian goulash and sautéed bat wings before Louisville, Ky., protesters began barking, “Where are the babies, Mitch”?! According to CNN, McConnell had just downed soup made of calf innards when he was walking through the parking lot. (Fine,…
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Denver Snowflakes Melt After Former Congressional Candidate Tweets She Has Given Up on White People
After challenging the Colorado political machine, white feminists, white liberals and the entire Democratic Party, a Colorado woman is causing an avalanche of white tears after she responded to a rhetorical question about giving up on white people by answering: “Yes.” Before we begin, I must acknowledge that Saira Rao and I are best friends.…
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Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Wants to Make America Great Again by Hiring 61 Foreign Workers: Report
Trump is a magician whose only magic trick is convincing a group of backwater racists that he shares the same values as they do. Trump has mastered the art of tapping into their racist beliefs, thereby convincing them that he’s one of them, when in fact, he’s never been one of them. He grew up…
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Unhinged Trump Holds Rally in Montana, Attacks #MeToo Movement in Rant About Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s Heritage
Donald Trump loves to rally. He may actually love rallying more than he loves KFC original recipe, being smacked on the ass with a rolled up Forbes magazine and watching migrant children being ripped from their families. Despite the fact that he’s already won the White House (with the help of Russian oligarchs), the president…
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Trump Picks Disgraced Former Fox News Executive Bill Shine to Fill White House Communications Position
Sarah Huckabee Sanders, aka Aunt Lydia, isn’t going anywhere but her team of notorious apologists for Trump’s White House just got stronger by adding former co-president of Fox News Channel and Fox Business Network Bill Shine. According to CNBC, Shine is set to takeover the old position once held by Trump’s fake daughter, Hope Hicks, as…
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Michael Cohen Breaks Up With Trump and Makes It Social-Media Official
The love affair between President Trump and his longtime lawyer and personal fixer Michael Cohen is over and it’s social-media official now that dirtbag Cohen has scrubbed all mention of his longtime lover client. According to HuffPost, Cohen—the man who once boasted that he would take a bullet for the president—has removed all mention of…
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Chicago Activist Rides Progressive Wave in Mayor's Race
Ja’Mal Green is standing inside the entrance of the 87th Street Metra station, on Chicago’s Southside, with a fist full of business cards, telling passersby that he wants to run the city. “Hello. My name is Ja’Mal Green, and I’m running for mayor,” he says. Sometimes he stops mid-sentence, because some commuters dash past him…
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2 Birds, 1 Racist President: Trump to Undo Obama Policy That Used Race as Factor for Diversity in Schools
In continuing with the White House’s theme on hating people of color while simultaneously undoing the legacy of former president of the United States and current president of Wakanda, Barack Obama, the Trump administration will rescind policies that included using race as a factor in achieving diversity in schools. “The Justice Department will scrap seven…
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Sarah Huckabee Sanders Continues Her White-Tears Tour Despite Being Satan's Mouthpiece
White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, aka Suckabee, is still drinking the White House Kool-Aid—the special blend of indignant righteous and aloof ramblings that allows for unfathomable levels of heartlessness. On Tuesday, Suckabee had the audacity to claim that she would be a hypocrite if she didn’t treat everybody with respect since that’s the…