Politics
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Attorney General Jeff 'King Keebler' Sessions Joins High Schoolers in 'Lock Her Up' Chant
Every story surrounding Attorney General Jeff “King Keebler” Sessions is an attempt to move the country further away from the fact that the man runs an operation that MAKES COOKIES IN A FUCKING TREE! At some point, it would do the America justice to focus on the health regulations that have to be violated with…
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It's About to Go Down: FBI Seized 12 Tapes During Michael Cohen Raid
Bitch! The FBI didn’t just seize one tape that happened to have Donald Trump’s voice on it discussing the possibility of paying off former Playboy playmate (which feels like the equivalent of saying former high school junior varsity standout) Karen McDougal, they seized 12 tapes! Count them with me. One, two, three, four … a…
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Petty President: Trump Looking to Remove Security Clearances From Ex-Officials Critical of His Administration
Devil’s mouthpiece, Sarah Huckabee Sanders aka “Suckabee,” dropped a bombshell during what was supposed to be a routine press briefing when she announced that the president of the United States is looking into pulling the security clearances of several former Obama administration officials including former Director of National Intelligence John Brennan, former FBI Director James…
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The Senile Old Man in the White House Is Going to All-Cap Tweet Us Into a War With Iran
If these boisterous threats are true, this might be the first time in American history that the President of the United States has tweeted us into a war. Late Sunday evening the fake president and very real reality star decided to issue a furious all-caps tweet to Iran. First off, what the fuck was the…
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It's About to Go Down: Michael Cohen Secretly Recorded Trump Talking About Payments to Ex-Playmate
In April, the President’s personal attorney and long time fixer, Michael Cohen’s New York office was raided by the FBI. The Feds reportedly seized thousands of documents, items and tapes, from Cohen’s office and on Friday, The New York Times is reporting that they may have finally hit pay dirt. According to the Times, Cohen…
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Eric Holder for President? Obama's Former Attorney General 'Seriously Considering' Running in 2020
Former Our President Barack Obama’s play cousin, Eric Holder, is reportedly strongly considering running for the White House in 2020, and if this is the case, it means we can all look forward to a few things: A reworking of the national anthem by Maze featuring Frankie Beverly; An inauguration all-white party; All kinds of…
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The Devil's Mouthpiece, Sarah 'Suckabee' Sanders, Is Having a Tough Time Defending Trump's Lies
In her first press briefing in two weeks and only her third on-camera briefing in the past 30 days, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, aka “Suckabee,” is having a hard time doing her job. That’s because her job entails trying to keep up with the president’s lies. So far, Trump’s story on whether…
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Try This: Google Image Search 'Idiot' and See What Appears (Hint: His Name Rhymes With Flonald Dump)
It isn’t often in these harsh times that the world gives us something to smile about, but if you Google image search the word “idiot” pictures of President Trump miraculously appear. It’s as if the Google algorithms feel the pain of the oppressed. It’s as if the spirits of our ancestors have infused the Google…
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President Vladimir TrumPutin's Latest Tweet Storm Claims Russia Is Bae and the Real Enemy is the American Media
It’s Thursday, so you know what that means? The old man in the White House is at it again. Fresh off a KFC bender, the president started in on his latest rash against American media, claiming that the summit with Russian President Vladimir Putin was a success and that the real enemy is the American…