Politics
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The Dumbass President Really Thought Actor Christian Bale Was Bruce Wayne
When actor Christian Bale met Donald Trump, he couldn’t understand why he kept talking about how much they are alike, considering they’d both lost their parents and here he was living in Trump Tower and Bale was residing in Wayne Manor. Trump told Bale of his days as a single millionaire philanthropist but it wasn’t…
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Trump Accomplice Michael Cohen Sentenced to 3 Years in Prison
Despite singing like he’s the real king of R&B, President Trump’s personal fixer and former lawyer, also known as the human flea, Michael Cohen, has been sentenced to three years in prison for crimes committed during his tenure with dirty dog President Trump. During an emotional and teary-eyed plea to U.S. District Judge William H.…
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The Trump Administration Paid a Company $13.6 Million to Find Agents to Round Up Immigrants. They Hired 2 People
First, Trump created a war with Mexican migrants that could only be solved by building this dumb-ass border wall. Then Trump moonwalked back on campaign promises that Mexico would pay for this dumb-ass wall. Now Trump is threatening to shut down the government if he’s not given money for this dumb-ass wall, and while everyone…
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'Do Black Lives Only Matter in Election Years?' Ayanna Pressley Gives Democratic Donors the Talk They Need
The question for many newly elected politicians is whether they can keep the same energy they had on the campaign trail once their names are written on the office door. With Massachusetts Congresswoman-elect Ayanna Pressley, it appears that concern can be laid to rest. As BuzzFeed News reports, Pressley gave Democratic Party donors a stern—and…
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Trump Believes People Would Revolt If He’s Impeached. By ‘People’ He Means Wypipo
President Donald Trump really believes that if he’s impeached chaos would ensue. He honestly believes that his tiki torch mob would set this world ablaze and the world would stink of fire and brimstone. Also, what is brimstone and where can I buy it? It sounds evil and it’s usually associated with evil but I’ve…
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Nancy Pelosi Questions Trump’s Manhood. Presidential Rage-Tweeting to Begin in 3… 2… 1…
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) and Senate Minority Leader Charles E. Schumer (D-N.Y.) are done attempting to play nice with the president. Come January, the Democrats will run the House and much like Kid and Play in the seminal classics House Party 1, 2, and yes, 3, they are about to dance battle all…
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Mitch 'Turtle Face' McConnell Changes Tune, Pushes For Criminal Justice Reform Bill Vote
Maybe the Conservative right is trying to play nice with the incoming Democrats taking over the house, or maybe because of Kim Kardashian (you know, the uber-famous basic white woman with the black add-on’s humanitarian efforts that freed unjustly incarcerated Alice Johnson), or maybe because it’s close to Christmas, but it looks like the criminal…
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No One Wants to be Trump's Chief of Staff Because the Job Sucks
As it turns out, the emperor has no clothes and no chief of staff because no one wants that miserable-ass job of being the Spliff Starr to the president’s Busta Rhymes. John F. Kelly bounced on the president’s ass mostly because he didn’t know that the chief of staff job meant changing the executive television…
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Trump Invited Democratic Leaders to the White House and It Was an Absolute Shit Show
For some reason unbeknownst to God and errrbody, President Donald Trump thought it was a good idea to host top House and Senate Democrats at the Oval Office. He invited the same Dems he openly mocks on his Twitter and made the meeting open to the press. Needless to say, it went south fast. Sitting…
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The President Lies So Much The Washington Post Invented a New Rating for His Mistruths
The president of people who enjoyed LL Cool J’s verse on Accidental Racist lies so much that Washington Post fact-checker Glenn Kessler has had to introduce a new rating called the “the Bottomless Pinocchio” for politicians like Trump “who repeat a false claim so many times that they are, in effect, engaging in campaigns of disinformation.”…