Politics
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Republican Gets Spine for Christmas, Finds That Mitch McConnell Is Shady AF
In news that can only be described as shocking, Alaska Sen. Lisa Murkowski told an Anchorage TV station that she’s “disturbed” by Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s (R-Ky.) admission that he’s already decided his position on Trump’s impeachment. McConnell, the result of a turtle falling in love with a boat shoe and having unprotected sex,…
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Ben Carson Emerges from the Sunken Place to Opine on Reparations, Dismiss Trump’s Impeachment as ‘Very Immature’
Ben Carson, whom award-winning author Kiese Laymon affectionately refers to as “Dad”, whom The Root Senior Editor Stephen Crockett Jr. refers to as “the Godfather of Mumble Rap,” and who I habitually refer to as “ain’t shit,” has a few questions about how this whole reparations thing is supposed to work. On Monday’s edition of…
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Disgraced President Invited Disgraced Navy Seal to Disgraced Mar-a-Lago
The president, much like his Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida, is a shithole. So I guess it shouldn’t be shocking, but for some reason, it still is, that President Trump invited retired disgraced Navy SEAL Eddie Gallagher to Mar-a-Lago over the weekend to allow Gallagher to kiss his ring in person. “Finally got to thank the…
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President Quid Pro Quo Totally Quid Pro Quo’d All Over Ukraine and Here’s More Proof
Well, it turns out that the President of the United States is a liar. Who knew? So, the “perfect” phone call (as the president describes it) that President Trump had with the Ukrainian president Vlodmort Vikingface (seriously, who cares what this guy’s name is?) in which Trump was dangling Ukrainian aid in exchange for an…
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Trump Told 2019's 'Lie of the Year' About Whistleblower Call
No surprises here. President Trump has been awarded the honor of telling “The Lie of the Year” by PolitiFact, a nonprofit, political fact-checking organization operated by the Poynter Institute in St. Petersburg, Fla. and Washington D.C. Every year, the Pulitzer Prize-winning editors of PolitiFact review the year’s most flagrant inaccuracies in search of a significant…
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Sarah Huckabee Sanders Deletes Tweet Apologizing for Mocking Joe Biden’s Stutter
She’s a sorry woman, for sure. President Trump’s former press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders has apologized to Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden for mocking his lifelong stutter on social media. Soon after Biden shared a story about a young boy who asked his advice in overcoming a stutter during Thursday night’s Democratic debate, the Fox…
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Warren Uses the Force, Klobuchar Beats a Dead Horse and Buttigieg Needs to Change Course: 2020 Presidential Black Power Rankings, Week 21
In a galaxy far, far away, on a planet teeming with life but suffering from global warming, dirty oceans and way too many streaming services there, existed the early stages of an empire. Oh, they didn’t know it was an empire yet; there were no stormtroopers marching down the street, only a curious proliferation of…
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After Christianity Today Slams Trump, the President Attacks Entertainment Tonight
The only way that President Trump knows his ass from his hand is because South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham and Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz aren’t crammed up his arm. Other than that, the odds are pretty low that, at any given moment, the president has any fucking clue what’s going on. So on Friday, the…
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Dwyane Wade on How Son Zion Pushed Him to Become a Better Parent: ‘I Had to Look at Myself in the Mirror’
Three-time NBA champion Dwyane Wade has collected plenty of accolades throughout the course of his illustrious career, but his greatest accomplishment is being a loving husband and parent. To that end, neither role has been without its share of challenges, and as TMZ reports, he recently made a pitstop on the All the Smoke podcast…