Politics
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Bernie Sanders' Path to Victory Looks Mighty Slim
DETROIT—Bernie got his ass kicked and it’s not looking any better moving forward. There really is no better way to slice or dice. it. Super Tuesday II was supposed to be the day Sanders closed his delegate gap with Joe Biden, but it only widened—in the former VP’s favor. Outside of winning North Dakota, Sanders…
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So This Isn’t Canceled?: Coronavirus Concerns Moves Democratic Debate to Washington, D.C.
Sunday’s Democratic presidential debate isn’t going to be canceled as it should be. Instead it’s just going to be moved from Arizona to Washington, D.C. “out of an abundance of caution” over the spread of the coronavirus. If you’ve not been up on the news, the coronavirus is the 1990s version of Suge Knight in…
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New Senate Bill Doesn't Want Federal Employees Doing the #FlipTheSwitch Challenge, Would Ban TikTok on Work Phones
Two Republican senators sure know how to kill a good time. On Thursday, Sens. Josh Hawley of Missouri and Rick Scott of Florida introduced the No TikTok on Government Devices Act, which would basically prevent federal government employees from doing the #FlipTheSwitch challenge on their work phones. Yes, the bill has everything to do with…
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Trump’s Bizarre Coronavirus Speech Included a Hot Mic F-bomb and a Request for ‘White Stuff’
In a televised speech from the Oval Office on Wednesday, President Trump continued his “I don’t give a shit about you people” tour, delivering a lackluster speech that included a travel ban for noncitizens coming from Europe, but didn’t include the U.K, because well, three Trump golf courses are located there. And, if all of…
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Bernie Sanders Holds Press Conference to Announce…He’s Still in the Race
Independent Sen. Bernie Sanders sure knows how to milk a moment, doesn’t he? After a Deontay Wilder-like showing on Tuesday, Sanders called a press conference Wednesday to announce that he doesn’t care if he’s a bazillion delegates behind, he’s going to stay in the fight for the Democratic presidential nomination. He then went on a…
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Coronavirus be Damned, Trump Will Hold Rally Because He Can’t Stop Rallying
There has been one thing consistent in Trump’s life from the time he announced that he was running for president until now: rallying. Trump might hold the record as the most rallying president in the history of America. He’s addicted to rallying. In fact, he can’t stop rallying even when his life may depend on…
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Democratic Primaries: Joe Biden Beats Bernie Sanders Like He Stole His Tax Refund
At this point, it might be time for independent Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders to start thanking his supporters and urging them not to be petty Bettys and make sure that they support the eventual Democratic presidential nominee, former Vice President and lifeguard Joe Robinette Biden. Like all-black low-top Nike Air Force 1s, Biden proved to…
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Trump Trying to Paint Biden as Mentally Unstable Is the Pot Calling the Kettle an Idiot
In today’s “pot-meet-kettle” news, President Donald Trump would like all of America to know that Democratic front-runner Joe Biden—wait for it—may lack the mental capacity to be president. According to Politico, Trump stood before about 500 Republican donors at his Mar-a-Lago resort on Friday to stress his concern that Biden may not have the mental…
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Cornel West, What You Doin'?
FLINT, Mich—Political surrogates for presidential candidates have a tough job. They have to pitch their preferred candidates’ strengths while avoiding tough questions about their weaknesses and shortcomings in a way that doesn’t excuse them. It’s an impossible mission because all politicians will fail you. They have too many people to please and someone always ends…
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Matt Gaetz Wore a Gas Mask on House Floor and Now He’s Self-Quarantined After Being Exposed to Coronavirus
Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz is an asshole. That’s it. That’s the story. Seriously, Gaetz is a such an asshole that other assholes who aren’t as good as he is at being an asshole consider him #assholegoals. Rep. Matt Gaetz is such an asshole that he wore a gas mask on the House floor and people…