It’s starting to look like the cognitive test that Trump claims he aced is the only test he’s ever done well on because he won’t stop talking about it. This test literally has questions like, “Do you see an elephant? Can you point to the elephant?” and Trump is out here acting like he’s the latest Mensa member.
The coronavirus, the Tory Lanez of viruses, is still out here butt-naked and unafraid, having claimed some 145,000 lives, and the president is happy to get a pudding at the end of his test-taking, which includes looking at pictures of puppies and pointing out the one that doesn’t have legs.
The whole question of Trump’s cognitive ability started the day he took office because he’s dumber than Draya Michelle trying to read the instructions on ramen. He rambles when he talks and lies when he runs out of things to say. He also suggested that we could “inject bleach into the body to kill the coronavirus.” Yes, this is the man with his finger on the button and the codes to nuclear weapons. Anyway, coherent Americans began wondering, “Yo, is this nigga OK?”
To combat this narrative, Trump revealed that in 2018 he took the Montreal Cognitive Assessment (MoCA) — a simple test designed to help doctors assess cognitive function, typically administered to adults whose loved ones are concerned about possible dementia, Alzheimer’s, or other conditions. It involves simple tasks like drawing a clock, identifying pictures of common animals, and repeating five simple, unrelated words back to the administering doctor and then remembering them later in the test.
Trump has been bragging repeatedly that he “aced” it, which is a bit like boasting that you made yourself a PB&J without cutting off your thumb: Technically, it’s a good thing, but it’s also a very, very low bar to clear.
On Sunday, Fox News’ Chris Wallace asked the president about taking this test and whether or not he had trouble filling in the bubbles on his Scantron sheet. The president immediately insisted that he took that test up to the Oval Office and grabbed it by the pussy! Wallace was like, why would you do that to a test that is super easy, and then Trump got all huffy and wanted to prove it was a difficult test when it’s not. It’s not. It’s not a test to measure a person’s intelligence; it’s a test to measure whether or not they are still here with us and of a sound mind.
Mashable notes that Trump went back on Fox and, of course, flexed his mental prowess, which is what people who are struggling with their mental acuity do, and then proceeded to showcase just what keeps the rest of the world envious of America.
The president said that they give you five words; of course, he couldn’t remember what words he was given on the test and then named five nouns, all of which were in his eyesight and as Mashable notes, “three of which were variations on the same noun.”
“The last questions are much more difficult, like a memory question,” he told Fox News medical contributor Marc Siegel. “It’s like, you go ‘Person, woman, man, camera, TV.’ So they say, ‘Could you repeat that?’ ‘So I said, ‘Yeah. So it’s person, woman, man, camera, TV.’”
He continued: “And then, 10 minutes, 15 minutes later: ‘Remember the first question, not the first but the 10th question? Give us that again,’” Trump said. “And you go ‘person, woman, man, camera, TV.’ If you get it in order, you get extra points! They said ‘Nobody gets it in order’ ... They say ‘That’s amazing. How did you do that?’ I do it because I have, like, a good memory.”
The whole thing is actually mad cringey, so just watch it below:
I can’t believe that this is who white America is fighting for. Y’all really want him to remain in office? What the fuck it wrong with y’all? This is y’all king?
CNN also debunked the president’s claim that the test gets harder as you go by pointing out what the last questions are.
Of course, the Internet had jokes—because why wouldn’t they?
I would like to point out here that former President Obama went to Harvard Law and was the first Black president of the Harvard Law Review, and y’all president is excited that he can recite “Person, woman, man, camera, TV” without having to make up a rhyming song to go with it.