Omarion Was Right: Any Song With "Eat The Booty Like Groceries" In It Deserves A Grammy


As we're all quite aware of already, the 2016 Grammy nominations were released this morning. King Kendrick led the field with a whopping 11 noms, confirming that Kendrick's 2015 will be one of those years remembered much more fondly by music critics than music fans. (And, before you get your pitchforks out, I'm not saying To Pimp A Butterfly wasn't a great and ambitious album and that it doesn't deserve all of the accolades its receiving. Just that, generally speaking, the love music writers and music critics have for it seems to have surpassed its connection to actual music fans.)


But I'm not here today to talk about people who were nominated. Instead, I'm more interested in who wasn't nominated. Namely, Omarion. I'm interested in Omarion.

Why am I interested in Omarion? Why I am compelled to write a sentence ("I'm interested in Omarion") I never thought about or wrote — or considered thinking about or writing — before today? Because, after the Grammy nominations were released, Omarion went to Twitter to express how upset he was that "Post to Be" — the ubiquitous track featuring Chris Brown and Jhene Aiko — didn't receive any nominations.

It wasn't a tirade as much as it was a rant; Omarion was clearly upset, but ultimately he didn't say anything too outrageous. Or, to be honest, anything too wrong. It is hard to make a hit, the odds have been against him, and he could very well be Jesus. (Seriously, I can't say with 100% certainty that Omarion is not Jesus. And if I can't do that, I know you can't either.)

Most importantly, Omarion was right about "Post to Be." Because it was a song that prominently and repeatedly featured the line "eat the booty like groceries." This, alone, is worthy of a Grammy nomination. And every nomination for every award that allows for nominations. It deserves all the nominations and all the awards. They should just rename the "Grammys" to the "Posttobes" and change the trophy from a golden gramophone to a platinum bust of a booty with a face stuck inside of it. And, if you win one, you get free groceries for a year.

You might think this is all in jest, that I can't possibly be serious about this song's artistic merit. But what's the point of even having an annual celebration of excellence in music if you don't acknowledge the the type of creativity it takes to craft a song around a surprisingly adroit comparison of analingus to Walmart produce and have that song actually air on the radio? Also, no other single entity has done as much to destigmatize ass-eating. Before, ass-eaters lived in the shadows and in silence, concealing their true identities and downplaying their natural proclivities. Now, ass-eaters move among us joyfully and freely, like a bird. A free-spirited, ass-eating bird.

And if this isn't enough to gain a Grammy nom, well, then I don't know what else Omarion can do. Maybe prove he's actually the Son of God and do something impossible, like bring B2K back together.

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)



This post just reminded me that, 10 years ago, Omarion made the only listenable song from his collection, "Touch." And much of that had to with Neptunes. But a curse on every dance crew in the mid-aughts who had a dance routine for that song.