Odell Beckham Jr. Offers Up His Magic DNA to Manufacture a COVID Vaccine. I'm Joking, but He Does Seem to Think He's Immune

Illustration for article titled Odell Beckham Jr. Offers Up His Magic DNA to Manufacture a COVID Vaccine. Im Joking, but He Does Seem to Think Hes Immune
Photo: Will Newton (Getty Images)

Cleveland Browns wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. is really out here trying to trump Trump’s re-Trump-ulousness...Trump-diculousness...

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This man out here saying he’s immune to COVID-19, just like y’all’s president did after he caught COVID-19.

According to Yahoo Sports, OBJ recently missed two days of practice due to an illness that turned out not to be related to the coronavirus. But because COVID-19 is pretty much an “all y’all can get it” kind of disease, there were concerns about the 27-year-old’s status. So on Wednesday, Beckham told reporters that he was never worried about some punk-ass-fool named COVID because his body has been purified in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.

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“Not in an arrogant way,” Beckham said. “I don’t think COVID can get to me. I don’t think it’s going to enter this body. I don’t want no parts of it, it don’t want no parts of me. It’s a mutual respect.”

Beckham—who clearly thinks COVID-19 plays defense for the Dallas Cowboys (I promised my people from Texas I wouldn’t make that joke, but, nigga, I be lying)—was pulled out of a Sunday game early while his team was losing miserably to the Pittsburgh Steelers. He wasn’t happy about that and said as much, telling reporters that this “shit sucks” and he’s “tired of losing.”

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So maybe he was just trying to hype himself up when he suggested that he was the Incredible Hulk to COVID’s Loki.

In case you’re having trouble with that reference:

Still, when it comes to a health crisis that has claimed the lives of 226,781 people in the U.S. as of Oct. 21 and doesn’t appear to discriminate on who gets infected, it’s dangerous to assume your body can’t get touched.

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So OBJ thinking Beckham sounds like “Bethlehem” and therefore he has Jesus’ immune system simply isn’t smart. I promise COVID-19 is not stopping at the 50-yard line, seeing Beckham coming right at him and saying, “Fuck this shit, I’m finna retire.”

This pandemic is real, y’all. Take precautions, stay as safe as possible, and please, don’t think you can’t contract it, because you can. We all can.

Zack Linly is a poet, performer, freelance writer, blogger and grown man lover of cartoons

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DISCUSSION

whypeepoegottastop
I'mSofaKingSickofWonderBread

Have wealthy celebrities stopped paying people smarter than them to hang around and keep their feet out of their mouths or something???

Like, if you’re in the NFL, you must be doing okay money-wise, at least if I’ve heard of you, you must be up there financially. So why doesn’t dude start offering to pay one of his smart friends to stay in charge of keeping him look like a complete idiot in public or something???