This story shows how well-respected and beloved Former President Barack Obama remains among people who don’t believe Colin Kaepernick kneeling is worse than COVID-19. It is proof that a large swath of America can all come together for one uniform goal:
Making Donald Trump mad as fuck the children happy.
Oh, right. This is probably about the children.
A social media user whose Twitter name is sadly not Babe-raham Lincoln is attempting to interrupt former President Barack Obama’s vigorous schedule of wearing less and going out more by soliciting the greatest president of my lifetime to perform a national commencement address for the seniors who—because of the coronavirus— will probably have to resort to attending a graduation ceremony in their respective living rooms. (And if you reject my “best president” declaration, I only remember Carter, Reagan, Crack-in-the-Desk-Drawer Bush, Cigar-In-the-Desk Drawer-Clinton, Two Wars Bush, Obama and Trump. Who’s better?)
“Like most high school/college seniors, I’m saddened by the loss of milestone events, prom & graduation,” read the initial tweet from the guy not named Lincoln NevaHater. “In an unprecedented time, it would give us great comfort to hear your voice. We ask you to consider giving a national commencement speech to the class of 2020.”
Soon, the hashtag #ObamaCommencement2020 was trending, begging for the pre-apocalypse president to give graduates something that could possibly inspire them during the impending coronavirus zombie war that will only be stopped when President Mad Max and Vice President Stacey Abrams are elected in the 2024 election.
But while most people thought the idea was nice, others (mostly people who think Tiger King is a documentary) didn’t like the idea of Obama doing some shit that he was probably going to do anyway because...Well, you know how “those people” are.
Deputy Managing Editor Genetta Adams: Michael, you know Tiger King is a documentary, right?
Yeah right. Nice try. I mean...I know white people can be crazy, but not that crazy. I’m sure Tyler Perry is probably using that mullet in the upcoming production of Madea vs. Florida Man.
Anyway, if Obama’s graduation speech had a bigger audience than Trump’s inauguration, you know Donald would be more pissed than the actor who played Joe Exotic at a birthday party for the lady who portrayed Carole Baskin. Some people already are:
Even though some people are resisting the idea, I am wholeheartedly behind Obama Skyping a graduation speech to the nation’s seniors.
How else will future generations remember that presidents can speak in complete sentences and form logical thought if Obama doesn’t do this? It would be the first time many of these young people heard a president go more than 24.9 seconds without saying something that wasn’t racist, stupid, sexist or an outright lie.
Plus, he could bring Sasha and Malia so we could see how children turned out who weren’t raised on a healthy diet of privilege and safari hunting. Not to mention that some people long for a first lady who can conjugate verbs. I don’t know what “be best” means, but I’m pretty sure it’s Melania’s subconscious response to the fact that she knows Michelle Obama is a better human being than anyone with the last name “Trump” will ever be.
But one tweet clearly explained why so many people are behind the proposal for Obama to give the Class of 2020 one last wish before Trump’s ineptitude destroys the planet:
Come on, Obama.
If a few thousand tweets aren’t enough to convince you, you should be moved by the great American trait that we all have in common:
We’re petty.
Shouldn’t that be enough?