One day, all of y’all are going to stop worrying about women do with their own damned hair (and reproductive systems), but apparently, that day is not today. We’ve seen her in wigs, weaves, extensions, braids, faux locs and exceptionally swingy ponytails, but Tiffany Haddish is the latest celeb to try out the quarantine crop, the first phase of which she debuted via Instagram on Tuesday.
“I want all this off—I want alllllllll of it off,” she proclaimed while running her hand over her freshly-shorn locks.
Anticipating the inevitable onslaught of concern trolls in her comments, Haddish headed them off at the pass, quipping: “‘Somebody go check on Sis, somethin’ wrong with her. What’s wrong with her mentally? She done lost it.”
“Why when a woman decides, ‘Hey I wanna cut this hair off because I want to see my scalp,’ she gotta have a mental problem?” she asked, declaring her choice to go short one of sound mind as she continued. “Nothing is wrong with my brain, you guys—I’m not suffering from no emotional shit, nothing. I’ve literally been talking about this for years: how I wanna see my scalp. I know every single part of my body; I know where every single mole is...anyone who knows me knows me knows I’ve been talking about this for a long time, OK?”
“I wanna see my moles!” the makeup-free and famously moled star exclaimed, boasting of over 100 moles on her body, including one hiding behind her ear under her hair.
Haddish also announced that she’s not finished; she plans to go “baldy-bald” when she visits the barber next week.
“When we cut all my hair off, I’m a still be fine as fuck.” she said, assuring her fans that it would grow back healthier than ever.
We kinda can’t wait to see it—and thankfully, we didn’t have to, as hours later, Haddish treated us to a clippers-session in-progress, which gave remarkably clean results, with no barber necessary. And while Haddish shared that her sister predicted she’d come to regret undergoing “the big chop,” she seemed to be reveling in the liberating moment.
“It’s the first time I’ve ever jumped in the shower and not been concerned about getting my hair wet. That shit felt good than a motherfucker,” she laughed. “It felt so good to just be like, ‘Yeah, I can get my hair wet’—I don’t have to worry about it being nappy or whatever...it is what it is.”
“My head has always been covered. So, I’m not tripping,” she continued, her eyes alight as she considered the advantages afforded by her new freedom. “You can see my face even better, my neck don’t hurt...shoulders just relaxed—my gait is better. And now, I can go running every day; I can train my ass off every single day and not have to worry about ‘Oh, my hair!’”
That struggle is real and all too familiar to many Black women; the choice between exercising as much or as intensely as we’d like (or perhaps should) is often inhibited by our hairstyles. As Haddish pointed out, even protective styles like braids and faux locs not only become weighty but require maintenance to keep them looking “neat.”
“I don’t know about white women, but as a Black woman, that’s a good hour to two, three hours of your fucking day,” she exclaimed. “It is a lot of work. So, I’m taking time off. I’m going to use that same energy that I would be putting my hair into my mind.”
From musing about her new styling options (“Bitch, I’m gonna be wavy!”) to how she’ll be leveling up her fitness routine (“Y’all gon’ be like ‘Damn, Tiffany lost her mind, she cut her hair—but then, you’re gonna be like, ‘That body, tho.’”), Haddish’s mind isn’t bothered, just busy with the possibilities presented by having less hair to manage. (Can’t lie; having once had a close crop myself, I’m once again tempted.)
“I’m gonna be so cute, y’all don’t even understand,” she said—already cute as she added: “I feel free. Yes, I do feel free.”