No Expiration Date: 82-Year-Old Bodybuilder Hand-Delivers That Smoke to Alleged Home Invader

Screenshot: WHAM TV

Award-winning bodybuilder Willie Murphy gave a suspected home invader a lesson he won’t soon forget: You’re never too old to catch—or deliver—a good ass whooping.

The 82-year-old Murphy was alone in her Rochester, N.Y., home last Thursday night—it was 11 p.m., and she was getting ready for bed, WHAM-TV reports—when a man began pounding on her door. Murphy says he demanded she call an ambulance because he was sick.

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She did as he requested but refused to let him in, angering the man. Moments later, she heard him breaking in.

With the lights off, Murphy was able to hide and catch him off guard, commencing an ass-whooping of epic proportions.

“I took that table and I went to working on him,” she told WHAM-TV. “... I’m alone and I’m old, but guess what? I’m tough.”

Murphy beat his ass with the table so hard that it broke—but that didn’t stop her. Once he was down, she started stomping on him. She then ran and grabbed a bottle of baby shampoo and emptied the entire bottle in his face. Finally, she beat him with a broom.

The punishment Murphy delivered was so brutal that the suspected intruder became incapacitated. Murphy, a World Natural Powerlifting Federation champion and 2014 Lifter of the Year, can deadlift 225 pounds (if we want to talk about vibranium knees!)—but while she had no trouble beating his ass, she had difficulty moving the home invader out of the house.

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“He wants to get the heck out of there and I’m trying to help him get out of the house, but I can’t move him,” she said. “He’s dead weight.”

“I had really did a number on that man,” she added.

Luckily for the intruder, the police arrived shortly after. She declined to press charges, but did take selfies with first responders on her front porch. When she returned to her local YMCA, where she works out daily, she was roundly applauded—and took another round of selfies for good measure.

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“He picked the wrong house to break into,” Murphy said.

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About the author

Anne Branigin

Staff writer, The Root. Sometimes I blog slow, sometimes I blog quick. Do you have this in coconut?