Opinion
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I Didn't Intend to Do This Product Review But Rescue!'s Fly Traps Work Like a Mug and Sharing is Caring
Do you need to get rid of some flies? I did. Wrote a song about it; like to hear it, here it go. A few weeks ago I started noticing random posts on my social media platforms about the aggressive amount of flies in the Washington, D.C. area. While I wanted to scream at them…
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We Need to Talk About the White-on-White Virus In the Republican Community
This weekend, I watched in horror as members of the white community took to the streets in support of another so-called “victim” of COVID-19. While our beloved Constitution guarantees us the freedom of speech, it’s time we said something about these dangerous members of antifa (The anti-facemask movement) running wild in our streets. Politico reports::…
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Trashcan Lannister Attempts to Dunk on Joe Biden While Nation Anxiously Waits for Her to Get COVID-19 Too
Early this morning, backslid humanoid Termite Listeriosis emerged from her deep slumber on a dumpster in an outhouse adjoined to a Barbie Dream Trap House to remind the world that a) she still exists and b) probably shouldn’t. Decades from now, when Torrential Laceration’s brain is devoted to science, perhaps we’ll finally understand the psychosis…
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President Trump's Health Is Reportedly Much Worse Than the White House Indicated. Here's Some Sneakers I Own.
These are really comfortable. These too. These are fun. I love the gold here. Classic.
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The Root's Clapback Mailbag: You Might Be a White Supremacist If…
Some people believe that white supremacists spew the n-word, burn crosses on lawns and spend their spare time practicing their Nazi salute. I wish. I wish all white supremacists were all scraggly white men who could be identified by their Nazi armbands or their evil mustaches. If only they wore name tags or had a…
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What to Do When Your Country Turns Into a Dumpster Fire
America is America-ing again. As a certain coronavirus-y occupant of the White House brazenly intensifies his all-out assault on the Constitution, media, truth, law, order, equality, democracy and everything this beloved country supposedly stands for, our fellow Americans find themselves in a state of confusion and outright despair after wrongly assuming a free supply of…
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If You're Happy President Trump Tested Positive for COVID-19, You're Just as Bad as He Is
Regardless of my feelings about his politics, Donald Trump is a human first. A husband. A father. An uncle. An American. And today I am deeply saddened by the news that both he and his wife, Melania, have tested positive for COVID-19. Yes, he is an abhorrent person who has said and done terrible things.…
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Actually No, Kyrie. You Weren't the Best Option for Every Team You've Played for Down the Stretch
I want to preface everything I’m about to say by acknowledging the fact that Kyrie Irving is really fucking good at basketball. He’s got one of the coldest handles in the history of the league, he’s an explosive scorer from damn near anywhere on the floor and it’s virtually impossible for defenders to stay in…
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America Ain't Better Than This
I forget exactly how old I was. Maybe 9. Maybe 10. It was summer. A Sunday. Dad and I were preparing to spend the day at the hoop courts behind Reizenstein—him running full on the main court with the rest of the oldheads, and me doing Mikans and playing 33 on side hoops with whichever…