A white woman was forced to call all the managers—the police, corporate headquarters and the actual manager of a Long Island, N.Y., department store—after she was brutally assaulted by a Target employee’s Black Lives Matter mask.
Before we begin, let’s dispense with the name-calling. Internet trolls have dubbed this woman “Ku Klux Karen,” which is an insult to Ku Klux Klansmen and Karens everywhere. She is too old to be a Karen. Everyone knows that Beckys go to racism graduate school and eventually become Karens, who generally range between the ages of 33 and 52. There is only one name befitting this crier of white tears who serves as an elder stateswoman of the Becky/Karen movement to make Targets great again:
She is a Maggie.
Maggie was shopping at the Target in Selden, N.Y., on Thursday, June 25, probably purchasing a weeks supply of things Maggies buy —beefsteak tomatoes, sunscreen, potting soil, oatmeal and those adult diaper thongs that don’t leave a pantyline—when she spotted an employee, identified only as Tana, wearing a face mask with the words “Black Lives Matter” and a fist.
Tana had worn the mask to work for three weeks straight because Target requires all employees to wear a face mask. However, the company’s policy apparently doesn’t prevent its workers from wearing accessories that declare the value of Black lives. And, because Tana was parading political ideology all in Maggie’s face, Maggie couldn’t ignore Tana’s belligerent, pro-negro logo, which is understandable, except for one small detail:
Tana wasn’t helping Maggie.
Tana, 21, who is Hispanic, said the woman was being assisted by another Target employee at Guest Services, when the confrontation began about 1 p.m. Thursday. Tana said the customer asked, “You do know all lives matter, right?”
Tana said she responded, “Yes,” and told the woman she is entitled to her opinion but all lives can’t matter until Black lives matter.
“She then said my mask was offending her and I needed to take it the f—- off my face,” Tana said in a phone interview Tuesday. “I was telling her I am allowed to wear this mask, the CEO of Target is all about the Black Lives Matter movement.”
That’s when Maggie went off (you know how “they” get).
Bravely enduring the face mask supremacy, Maggie started screaming that Tana’s mask was “racist against whites” until a security guard had to escort her out of the store. Thankfully, Maggie went quietly, ending the incident and apologizing for her outburst.
I’m just bullshitting. Maggies don’t go quietly.
As she was ushered out of Target without her sunscreen and potting soil, Maggie asked the security guard—who just happened to be Black—if he “wanted more police brutality to come,” which caused the security guard to be “taken aback.”
Side note: Whenever a story contains the words ”just happens to be Black” and “taken aback,” you know some racist shit is about to go down. In all my years, I have never been taken aback by something a white person did. Although it sounds a little more traumatic than being maskually assaulted by a racist face mask, I honestly want to be taken aback just once in my life. But it probably won’t happen since I just happen to be Black.
When Tana’s shift ended, she went to meet her boyfriend, who was picking her up, when she spotted Maggie still lurking in the parking lot like she was planning a driveby or something. So Tana reported Maggie to the security offices because you can’t have suspicious people lurking around looking like they’re up to something. (You know how “they” are).
Maggie said she was planning to go inside with her phone so she could “record faces,” by which she probably meant masks, especially the one being worn on Tana’s face after it had brutally mocked Maggie’s whiteness. Suspecting that Maggie was preparing to claim that Tana’s mask had committed a hate crime, Tana’s boyfriend began recording, too, and the video was later posted to Instagram.
In the video, Maggie is wearing a Mets shirt (which is technically classified as a Confederate monument because it celebrates a “lost cause”) as she refuses to leave, explaining that she wanted to record Tana because she was “yapping.”
“I have a right to my opinion,” explains Maggie before lapsing into a rant of literal whataboutism. “I’m telling you that black lives suck because that guy killed Floyd, right? So I’m telling you that I’m Jewish and my ancestors were also slaves and also in the concentration camps. So it’s not all black lives. It’s not black lives. It’s everybody. What about the Chinese? What about the Mexicans? What about everybody else in the world? Yes, it sucks.”
“But you know what?” continued Maggie, magnificently. “There’s a lot of Black people that are fucking disgusting and everything else. And you know what? There’s a lot of white people that are gross. I am everywhere.”
Maggie goes on to say that “she does not lie” because...of course.
”We want everyone who shops and works at Target to feel welcomed and respected,” Target said in a statement. “Based on a situation that escalated at our Selden, New York, store on June 25, we asked a guest to leave the premises.”
“The incident was reported to police on June 29 and is under investigation,” said a spokesperson for the Suffolk Police Department, adding that they would not disclose the name of the complainant.
We know it’s you, Maggie.
As of Wednesday, the Suffolk County Correctional Facility had not booked anyone for assault with a deadly mask.
I was not taken aback.