Mitch McConnell Says He'd 'Absolutely' Support Another Trump Presidency Despite Trump Calling Him a 'Political Hack'

Illustration for article titled Mitch McConnell Says He'd 'Absolutely' Support Another Trump Presidency Despite Trump Calling Him a 'Political Hack'
Photo: Saul Loeb and Mandel Ngan (Getty Images)

That’s it: Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell shall henceforth be known by the name Trump’s-Lil’-Bitch McConnell.

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That’s all you can call him after ex-President Donald Trump referred to McConnell as “a dour, sullen, and unsmiling political hack,” and the Kentucky senator and senior citizen Yertle the Turtle cosplayer responded by telling Fox Snooze’s Bret Baier, “Nah, but I still love him, though.”

What really happened is McConnell went on Republican Disney +, aka Fox News, and spoke with Baier about the ongoing Hack-fields and the McConnell-haters beef he has with Trump. Baier began by talking to McConnell about a bunch of boring-ass Fox Snooze shit that I don’t care about before he eventually asked him if he would support Trump if he became the Republican presidential nominee in 2024—to which McConnell responded, “Absolutely.”

Listen: We all know that McConnell will always prioritize party loyalty over political responsibility and common fucking decency. We know that he keeps his integrity stuffed inside his third chin which is on pace to droop lower than his old-man saggy-balls. (I know, that was gross, but so is Trump’s-Lil’-Bitch’s neck—What do you want from me?)

We knew McConnell was the Aaron Burr of Antonin Scalia’s when he voted against convicting Trump during the former president’s second impeachment trial and then immediately admitted that he believed Trump was “practically and morally responsible” for the U.S. Capitol riot on Jan. 6. That in and of itself was a Trump’s-lil’-Mitch move, but it’s even worse when you think about the fact that finding Trump guilty would have prevented him from running again in 2024.

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The question is this: Why does McConnell continue to cape for Trump when Trump keeps smacking him around, leaving $40 on his dresser and refusing to respond to his thirsty-ass text messages? (I guess I’m speaking metaphorically, but you never know.)

McConnell has been Trump’s day-one ride-or-die since the beginning of his tragic-ass presidency. Despite that, all it took was McConnell finally congratulating President Joe Biden on his election win for Trump to unfollow his Mitch on—well—the real world that he wishes was his banished Twitter account.

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This has just become one of those abusive relationships that you would hate to see if both partners weren’t such terrible human beings who honestly deserve each other.

It’s pathetic, but I guess it’s just politics.

Zack Linly is a poet, performer, freelance writer, blogger and grown man lover of cartoons

DISCUSSION

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You could run Lich Hitler as the GOP nominee and have him actively sucking the lifeforce out of Jewish babies on live TV and Mitch would still nod and support him. Mitch has become the living embodiment of Party over Country. As long as it’s GOP, willing to appoint those chosen by Mitch and aggressively push the tax burden away from the rich, he. does. not. care.

But on the other hand, Mitch likely won’t be protesting too much if SNDY does come for Trump and makes it so he can’t run again. Both Trump and Mitch could die tomorrow and it would still be too late for America.