Men Who Were Also ‘About to Buy NBC, Tho,’ Ranked

The Wire screenshot (HBO)
The Wire screenshot (HBO)

10. New York Knick Charles Smith, who’s still the only ball player in recorded history to get his shit punched under the rim the exact-same way four consecutive times.

9. That Kappa at the last cookout you went to who got picked last for co-ed kickball and got mad and broke all of the candy peppermint sticks before storming out.


8. The contrarian shit bag on the internet you follow on Twitter who heard Black Thought’s freestyle and was like, “Eh, I heard better from Shabaam Sahdeeq in a cypher with U-God and Mack 10 outside of a Buffalo-area Steak ’n Shake in 1999. Them niggas ain’t even speak, dude. They freestyled through telekinesis! Nothing will ever top that.”

7. Stringer Bell.

6.  Otis from the Temptations.

5. Dr. Boyce Watkins, who seems to be trying to convince everyone his “Dr.” actually stands for “Dude ... really?”

4. The guy you added on LinkedIn back when you still used LinkedIn whose bio reads “Empire Builder” and who still sends you messages every two weeks about “coming together” to “build empires” and possibly “investing with him” in this “new business” he’s “starting” where he’s pitching a new currency called “Afrobucks” that can only be used at black-owned banks in Nevada and for Fandango gift cards.

3. Your 39-year-old cousin who bought 2,000 quadruple-XL white tees in June as an investment property because “fashion is cyclical” and he believes we’re going to return to the era of knee-length T-shirts and Shaq-sized jeans on 5-foot-11 niggas any day now.

2. Judas, who was totally going to invest those coins he got for snitching on Jesus in some Bitcoin and body shapers, and was going to use that money to create a network devoted to nothing but uplifting black images of positive blackness, but then somehow ended up dead.

1. Cory Booker.

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)



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