Maybe Donald Trump Can’t Read?

Saul Loeb/Getty Images
Saul Loeb/Getty Images

In the past few days, the jack-o’-lantern-looking dullard whom we elected president has made himself look like an idiot again by repeatedly bungling media appearances. Donald Trump’s last week has been reminiscent of a student trying to bullshit his way through a doctoral dissertation armed only with Wikipedia and some facts he picked up in the barber shop.


Touting his new health care plan during a Sunday interview on CBS’ Face the Nation, Trump guaranteed that the Republicans’ replacement for the Affordable Care Act would cover pre-existing conditions for insurance customers. Americans were relieved to hear this but were then confused when they discovered that the new bill does not guarantee coverage for people with pre-existing conditions.

Then, on Monday, stock prices fell when investors learned that the salmon-colored simpleton said in an interview with Bloomberg News that his administration is weighing a gas tax and plan to break up the big banks “so they can start loaning money.” The Dow Jones recovered when investors learned that his administration is not considering a gas-tax hike or a bank breakup.

Later on, in a satellite radio interview, Trump started talking about himself in comparison with President Andrew Jackson:

I mean, had Andrew Jackson been a little later, you wouldn’t have had the Civil War. He was a very tough person, but he had a big heart, and he was really angry that he saw what was happening with regard to the Civil War. He said, “There’s no reason for this.” People don’t realize, you know, the Civil War, you think about it, why?

People immediately jumped on this statement and lumped it in with the others as examples of Donny Dumbo’s hyperbolic lies or self-congratulatory ego. They pointed out how Old Hickory was a slave owner, mistreated Native Americans and died 16 years before the Civil War. They said his tales of tax hikes, hammering banks and health care proposals were full of lies.

But what if they weren’t? What if they were indicative of another problem. There is a growing consensus among political pundits and experts (especially those with the initials “M” and “H”) that there is something even more troubling afoot with the president.


Maybe Donald Trump can’t read.

Think about it. Anyone who has gone past the fifth grade knows when the Civil War ended, but Donald Trump doesn’t seem to know. Maybe it’s not that he was too lazy to read the health care bill or his tax plan; maybe he couldn’t. That’s probably why he was on the radio giving props to the slave owner whom Harriet Tubman kicked off the $20 bill. Maybe Trump doesn’t know that there have been 102,029,202 books written about the Civil War, so no one wonders why it happened.


Even though he only communicates in 140 characters or less, have you ever seen Trump actually write a tweet; hmmm? And have you noticed how limited his vocabulary is? It’s mostly just superlative adjectives like “huge,” “powerful” and “bigly.” Plus, remember how he derided President Barack Obama for reading a teleprompter? Maybe he was jealous of Obama’s literacy.

Look, everything I know about adult illiteracy I learned from a very special episode of The Jeffersons when Weezy helped that dude learn how to read at the Help Center, but it’s all making sense to me now.


The unconstitutional executive orders were because he’s never read the Constitution. The lies, the “alternative facts,” the crazy claims, were all just cries for help. Even the Steve Bannon thing. It’s possible that the white supremacist “voice of the alt-right” got the job in the White House because Trump has never even read Breitbart. You know what? Maybe Trump’s not even a bigot!

Nah. He’s definitely racist, and I’m not afraid to say it ...

Partly because I know he can’t read this.

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scowlybrowspinster---FREE ABORTION ON DEMAND!

Reading skills are iffy. Definitely cannot retain.