By now, if you’re lucky, you’ve seen this viral video circulating the social medias. In it, a man whose name I do not know (but I imagine we will all learn soon enough; hopefully he isn’t a raging racist or was in D.C. on January 6th, etc.) becomes a legend in 45 seconds. I have not been able to stop watching the clip since I discovered it perusing my social media feeds.
Before we get to the actual clip though, I must say, I’m a huge fan of videos that take a hard left turn. For instance, the news clip of the Black news reporter attempting to deliver the news in his best “news voice” only to be accosted by a bee, turning him into Leon Cleophus Jenkins, Sr. Jr., is still one of my most favorite clips ever. Same with the Asian dude who was the worst hurdler of all time who after tripping over one hurdle, stumbling into another lane (thus disqualifying himself) says “fuck it” and literally runs THROUGH all of the hurdles. A few of them look to explode. When folks go for broke, I’m all in. You simply cannot make shit like that up. I saw that last clip at least 10 years ago (probably longer) and I still vividly remember it. And they clips are STILL funny.
Which brings us to the latest video I will never forget. I have no idea where this video happened, but its definitely somewhere bobcats roam. In this clip, the gentleman (husband) walks outside to his car in his pristine looking neighborhood, definitely a subdivision somewhere in Pleasantville, USA, and in his best “Hey neighbor!” voice says “Good morning” to a person jogging by his home. Presumably his wife is also leaving for work at this time since he is trying to figure out how to open his car door with both his coffee and (maybe) lunch when his wife comes into the frame in far left holding what looks to be an animal carrier.
By the 13-second mark we even have a whistle. How perfect is this set up? And THIS is when shit goes from “C-Span Covers Mornings in White America” to a scene out of “When Animals Attack But Unfortunately Attack Motherfucking Liam Neeson in Taken So They Lose.” It’s a new show I just made up. This dude, though, will be the first host.
At 15-seconds all you hear is a fucking cat screech, then you see dude’s wife take off down the driveway while something attacks as she screams bloody murder. The Realest Husband Alive (TRHA) runs immediately to where his wife is. It was at this point I realized we were about to see some magic. You see, there are two types of people in the world: those who try to shoo away bobcats, and then there are dudes like TRHA who pick up fucking bobcats and hurl them shits across a yard. My man does not fuck around when it comes to his wife.
And THEN it goes into the next gear as buddy is air wrasslin’ with the bobcat and the neighbor who jogged by doubles back (to do what I have no idea, white folks are nosy...who am I kidding, everybody is nosy; I watched this video like 100 times), as TRHA lets the jogger know “IT’S A BOBCAT!” The neighbor SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY decides to chase the bobcat BACK towards the house. And you’d think this would be as crazy as it gets. I mean, we have husbands snatching up bobcats who attack wives in Pleasantville, USA.
TRHA pulls a strap (slang for gun for those unfamiliar with gun slang) out of his waistband-holster (which means he takes the gun to work) and chases the bobcat, while yelling, “watch out!!” My man grabbed a gun and chased the bobcat letting folks know to watch out because he was going to shoot that fucker. You see, a bobcat attacked his wife and he ain’t with that Wives Attacked by Bobcats bullshit. I have no idea if he shot the bobcat; I’m guessing the bobcat took off running and the dude, who does not fuck around about his wife, made sure his wife was okay instead of chasing the bobcat. He probably kept the heater (another slang term for gun) in his hand the whole time though, just in case that bobcat tried to come back with the bobcat homies.
This whole shit happened in 46 seconds.
This man is a legend. In 46 seconds he went from being the most pleasant of chaps, who speaks to neighbors and needs a car wash to a fucking cat hurlin’, strap holdin’, bobcat attempted murdering terminator. He excels at both, hence being a legend in two games like he’s Pee Wee Kirkland, which if you don’t know that reference, I feel sorry for your mother.
Just kidding. It’s a line from The Clipse’s song “Grindin’” that references Pee Wee Kirkland who was a legendary street basketball player and a drug kingpin, who allegedly turned down the NBA because he was making more money selling that yayo; the NBA wasn’t always a league full of multimillionaires. The more you know. *ding*
I’ll bet TRHA knows it. I also bet ain’t no bobcats gon’ fuck around with him no more. Those cats don’t want it with Hov, ask Nas, he don’t want it with Hov. Just substitute “Hov” with “TRHA” and “Nas” with “bobcats” and it works.
I do not know this man, but he is now part of my life as I’ll be watching and sharing this clip ad nausuem for at least the next two days.
Mama, there goes that man.