Illustration for article titled Man Leaves 2 Pounds of Weed in Uber, Tries to Retrieve It From Cops
Photo: Westmoreland County Jail

A Pennsylvania man who was clearly trying to spread joy to the world during the holiday season discovered that securing the bag was not as easy as it looks. After he tried to retrieve two pounds of marijuana he allegedly left in an Uber, he found himself in handcuffs.


WXPI reports that the driver of a ride-share vehicle in North Huntingdon, Pa., said he received an email from Uber on Dec. 29 stating that his passenger, Malik Mollett, had left a package in the back seat. The email also contained a number where Mollett could be reached to return his belongings. So on Jan. 2, the driver called and alerted the police that he had found a bag containing a large amount of weed, causing the police to ..

Wait. I think there might be a mistake in this story. The driver found pounds of reefer and waited four days to alert the authorities? That can’t be right. What would an Uber driver do with, let’s say, 13 pounds of weed over the New Year’s holiday? I bet his Toyota Camry smelled suspiciously like reggae music, Little Debbies and giggling.


Anyway, KDKA confirms that the driver called 911 four days after smoking discovering the vacuum-sealed ganja. Mollett had allegedly been trying to contact the driver, even texting a picture of the bag to verify that he was the owner.

After the driver told the cops about the misplaced pot package on Jan. 2, the police then contacted Mollett, posing as Uber. The undercover happiness haters agreed to meet the backseat bobo bungler at an Irwin, Pa., McDonald’s on Jan. 9, almost two weeks after Mollett originally fumbled the bag of fun.

Mollett met with an undercover cop who returned the ganja, and he even asked the cops how much they smoked, WLS-TV reports. The officers assured Mollett that they hadn’t consumed any of the weed, which should have been a signal for Mollett to get the hell out of there. Even if they weren’t partakers of pot, any normal human being would have kept a portion as a signal from the Most High (Snoop Dogg) and at least given it out as Kwanzaa gifts.

But Mollett stayed and was immediately apprehended by Pennsylvania State Troopers. He was charged with possession of a controlled substance and criminal use of a communication facility. Authorities set his bail at $150,000 even though they declined to charge him with first-degree stupidity. The police say the weed had a street value of thousands of dollars because it was “very high-grade” marijuana.


I wonder how they know?


Mollett has not indicated how he will plead, but perhaps he was one of the three wise men who couldn’t find any myrrh or frankincense. Do you know how hard it is to find reasonably priced frankincense during the holidays? And don’t even mention myrrh. I don’t know what myrrh is, but I bet it’s easier to get a pound of weed than it is to get myrrh because the myrrh section of Target is always empty around Christmas.

It is also possible that this was all part of a plan to give back to his community. Dec. 29 is the fourth day of Kwanzaa, whose principle is cooperative economics.



World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.

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