On this season finale - well at least before we get the shenanigans that are the reunion show - we get some stories that end up on an up-and-up note and also we get stories that involve Hazel. And to know Hazel is to know that she never wins. Ever.
But, let's talk about Ray J again. And Princess. I missed last week because of the timing of the Darren Wilson non-indictment, but look, we all saw the push heard 'round the Black community. Now, from where I'm sitting, it mostly looked like Princess (after going full rager on him) happened to get kinetically moved out of the way and there just so happened to be a pool there. Luckily for us, this episode opens up with the Ray J vs Princess Battle Royale…that Princess loses. Ray says he goes Bo Jackson on her since he, ya know, played a little football back in the day.
Look, most of the women on this show are willing to go the extra mile for ratings. Pulled hair? Cool. Drinks flying? Aight. Falling in a pool? That was not scripted. That shit was all organic. One take Tony. You can tell by how quickly security got over there and it looks like even Mona Scott Young was on the premises. Princess ain't a chill type woman anyway, if there was no security, shit would have been flying in that household. Best believe it. I'm talking the good china and cutlery.
Anyway, Ray eventually goes to talk to Snoop - his actual family - who like everybody else tells him that Teairra Mari is the one for him. Or at least the one he shouldn't be fucking over. He does seem mad apologetic and shows up to her Yung Berg curated showcase.
Let's go on ahead and intertwine this. One song does not a showcase make. Niggas came out to hear Teairra Mari hear one song. Now it's a good song and sounds like it would do well on the radio. Oh, and by niggas I mean 8-12 people who were walking down the street and were paid a few bucks in drinks to be an audience. When we last met Teairra Mari at a showcase it sounded like an ass sandwich. She sounded like what happens when a credit card company reports you to a collection agency after a hurricane while P.O.P. is trying to hold it down. Just barely, could she sing. THIS TIME, she sounded good and put on a good one song. I refuse to call it a show. I've been to shows my G, it involved at least three songs. People who sing songs at Pot Belly at least have albums to sell. Point is, she sounded good. And I'll definitely be buying her single whenever its available. I'm guessing after the reunion show. But I'm all in on Teairra Mari.
Ray got her a bag and apologizes and they make kissy face. Look, emotions are real. He seems genuine and she does too. You can't help you're attracted to. I've been there. So they fell right back into it. Of course, subsequent radio interviews have taught us that Ray and T-Murda are over. For now. But some moments are worth a lifetime. I'm sure she put her paws on him at least one last time tho, it's kind of her thing. I will miss her and her paws.
Yes. Her paws. Ray said they broke up because she has violent tendencies.
Listen to me real good, violent tendencies is a great reason to break up with somebody. Just an FYI. Free of charge.
Let's talk about Omarion right quick. It is rare that I feel like a reality show of LHH variety is actually a good career move. But in Omarion's case I think it was. For a few reasons: 1) he comes off like he has a lot of common sense; 2) he is actually talented; 3) having a baby on one of these shows and loving his girl as much as he does goes a long way towards making women want to give him a chance and let go of that B2K stigma. Omarion got a bunch of new fans from this show. I actually feel like I'd like him as a person. I was already a fan (I own all of his albums and admit this publicly) so I'm glad that I like him. I'll now support whatever he's doing and wish him and Apryl the best.
Of course watching Rick Ross do a hard bop to an Omarion song was entertaining.
Hazel and Masika meet up as a final hurrah to their pseudo friendship. Listen to me, Hazel needs to just quit everything at this point. No need to be mad, UPS is hiring. She's got no rap career and she SUCKS at mental gymnastics with these hardbody, hard life women. She KEEPS getting into with everybody (Teairra, Berg, Masika, etc) and she ends up looking like an idiot EACH TIME. They stay sonning her. They style on her. She is the anti-fleek. Hazel is the opposite of Omarion. Sure we all know who she is now, but none of us are better for it and if you did have something with Hazel E on your computer (you don't), there's a better than 100 percent chance that it was promptly placed into the computer's trash bin. The worst thing is I have no idea what she would do from here. She has no discernible talent and she gets taken down by skillful verbal beat down artists all day. Heaven, she needs a hug.
Becasue Fizz makes bad choices, he is interested in Nikki, but he's also trying to get things back on track with #bae Moniece. Let me tell you all how much I will miss having Moniece in my life once this show goes off. I'm having Moniece withdrawals already.
Oh. Here's a little known VSB fact. Somebody involved with VSB is actually a cousin to Moniece. Let's just say, this person is never leaving my circle. You hear me? Never!
But Fizz and Moniece take a trip to the beach so they can get some family time in. Fizz has been interesting this season. I loved him. Then I hated him. But at the end of the day, no Fizz means no Moniece and I'm not sure I can ever go back to the way things were when she wasn't part of my life.
What am I talking about again?
Oh. So, I mentioned this on Twitter, but I really want to know Fizz and Moniece's backstory. She blames Fizz for a lot in her life. He hurt her and ruined her life basically. Yet, somehow he ends up being the parent that their child spends all his time with. I just don't know what happened. She makes it seem like he's trippin, but all of the facts presented make it seem like Moniece might have shown up at the hiznayee with a streetsweeper and sprayed the house with copkiller bullets. Consider this, the courts took away her custody. THE COURTS. She can't even come to his house to pick up their son. They clearly do the childswap publicly. That chick is nuts yo. But he ruined her life? I NEED ANSWERS DAMMIT!
Nia and Soulja Boy were beefin' but then she got into a car accident. So…*raises hand*. Here's what she says: she was at her friends house and left. Five minutes later she's flippin' her car over and running into parked cars. THAT sounds like she was either inebriated or SUPER TIRED. They make no mention as to what happened. AND her kid was in the car. Just saying, accidents happen. But it was entirely her fault. Either way, tragedy tends to bond folks back together and that's where they are. For now. One truism in life? Soulja Boy gon' Soulja Boy.
We get the final montage of speeches where Hazel tells us she aint delusional. Then she says she's gon' take over the charts. Lord jeefus woman. Two thousand years from now, psychologists will discuss delusion using Hazel as the blueprint. I started watching this show for Ray J and learned about a bunch of new folks. But Ray came thru in the end. And that makes it all worth the time and effort.
Next week? The reunion show. Where more shit happens.