You know what’s hard? Loving and accepting yourself while at the same time trying to change. It can make you feel schizophrenic.
Really, all we ultimately have control over is ourselves. You can’t change human nature, but you can change the way you react to it.
Yes, I’m losing weight – s-l-o-w-l-y – so I am indeed changing on the outside. But if you’ve been reading this blog from its February 8 beginning, you also know I’m rearranging the furniture on the inside. I like who I am, and I’m liking who I’m becoming even more. It’s not been an easy process, and often a painful one as my therapist Tanza makes sure I not only peel back the layers, but permanently remove them.
And yet . . . I’m learning that my personal growth sometimes impacts others, mostly in good ways, I think, but that’s not always the case.
For example, my B.S. detector seems to be extra sharp these days. A year ago, maybe I’d let someone walk all over me, trust too much, reveal my more assertive side far too late to make a difference, and kick myself for it.
Today, I find myself squashing the B.S. at the start, not returning calls from “users” of the past, ending other leech-like relationships altogether – and it feels pretty good. The old me always wanted to help others, often at great cost to myself or my reputation. No more. The old me would drastically lower my rates, or not pursue money owed as aggressively as I should have. No more.
The old me used to allow others to blame me for whatever would go sideways in business and/or personal relationships – and halfway believe it. Thank God, no more.
Don’t get me wrong. It still hurts. Just not as much. What helps is recalling that old adage about what happens when you point a finger at someone: Three others are pointing right back at you.
It’s hard, changing. Becoming. Being. The thing is, I really feel like the same person I’ve always been at the core. Perhaps that’s the problem: It’s at my core, an area previously covered in layers of self pity, lack of self esteem and an abundance of self doubt.
It is the mind that makes the body. ~ Sojourner Truth
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Leslie J. Ansley is an award-winning journalist and entrepreneur who blogs daily for TheRoot. She lives in Raleigh, NC.