1. Saying LaVar Ball’s name.
2. Saying his middle son’s name.
3. Placing them both smack dab in the middle of an international incident.
4. Making LaVar Ball’s name known on an international level.
5. Making people who are usually turned off by Ball’s antics (people like me) root for him (because fuck Trump).
6. Making a thing that wasn’t really a race thing at all now definitely a race thing (because of Darth Cheeto’s habit of using his platform to put the Summer Jam Screen on people of color who dare criticize him).
7. Making Ball the center of a White House press briefing, because you know Sarah Huckabee Sanders will be answering a question about this in the next 48 hours.
8. Taking the attention off of the uninspired and uninspiring play of Lonzo Ball (and Lonzo’s odd reaction to his teammates fighting Friday night).
9. Providing free publicity for Big Baller Brand’s sneakers, Big Baller Brand’s basketball apparel, Big Baller Brand’s fitted top sheets, Big Baller Brand’s refrigerators and Big Baller Brand’s Rotisserie Shish Kebab Wheels.
10. Allowing LaVar Ball to dominate a Sunday sports news cycle. On a day when a dozen NFL games are being played, the dad of an underwhelming lottery pick is the top trending topic.
It says here that if you successfully troll the world’s biggest troll, you now possess that title. He just out-trumped Trump and made his name and his kids’ names internationally relevant. Which is really all he’s been trying to do. Everything else is a McGuffin.
LaVar Ball won, y’all. Big Baller Brand won.