There are some white people in this world who just wake up every morning and choose saltiness over every other flavor on the flavor spectrum. Like, I’m honestly starting to think they don’t cook with spices because they’re already so full of salt that they’re afraid they might spontaneously combust if they even smell a little paprika.
Take this KK-Karen in Portland, Ore., who was caught on video vandalizing a monument erected on Mount Tabor honoring the only Black person who traveled across North America on the Lewis and Clark expedition. Now, I know what white people are going to say: “But Zack, people spent much of last year vandalizing or toppling over Christopher Columbus statues and Confederate monuments—so, what’s the difference?” Well, my Caucasian friend who asks stupid-ass questions, the answer is simple: People vandalized those statues because they commemorated colonizers, genociders, slavers and overall horrible people. This woman vandalized a statue of a Black historical figure because she’s racist—she even admitted it.
Suggested Reading
From KGW 8 News:
Videos shared with KGW shows a woman with cans of purple spray paint defacing the base of the statue of York.
Portland Parks & Recreation said their maintenance team is working on removing the paint and determining the damage’s costs. Portland Police said they’re investigating.
The bust mysteriously appeared in Mount Tabor back in February in the place of the Harvey Scott statue, one of several statues toppled in 2020.
York, who was an enslaved member of the Lewis and Clark Expedition Corps of Discovery, had been William Clark’s servant and his father before him was a slave to Clark’s father. York was also the first African American to cross North America and reach the Pacific Coast, with historical journals showing he was invaluable to the expedition.
The woman who was caught vandalizing the statue proudly shouted her name at the person taking the video, but it’s difficult to make out what she said, so I’m just going to call her Hate-crime Hagrid of the Salty Susanites of White and Spiceless Supremacy.
Nah, that’s too long—I’m just going to call her Vicky Vandal.
Vicky probably doesn’t know who York is; she just knows a statue of a Black person replaced a statue of a white person, and that’s enough to get her human salt-shaker blood boiling.
She admitted with her entire neo-Nazi chest that she has always “been prejudice against Black and Hispanic people,” which is a statement that, coming from her, would have been less shocking than if she said, “I like the color blue” while wearing a blue shirt and standing next to a statue vandalized with purplish-blue paint.
Vicky also weirdly shouted at onlookers that she is willing to pay for the damage done to the monument, which only makes one wonder what the fuck was the point of doing it in the first place. Imagine committing a purposeful act of vandalism in protest and then leaving an IOU at the crime scene because you’re a racist but not a cheap racist.
Hopefully, the authorities in Portland will catch up to this angry and racist but also strangely financially considerate bigot.
And maybe, just maybe, she’ll wake up one morning and choose a different flavor.
Straight From 
Sign up for our free daily newsletter.