Kevin Durant Wants to Whoop Michael Rapaport's Ass and I'm Not Quite Sure How to Feel About It

Illustration for article titled Kevin Durant Wants to Whoop Michael Rapaport's Ass and I'm Not Quite Sure How to Feel About It
Photo: Mike Lawrie (Getty Images)

While Everybody Loves Raymond, actor Michael Rapaport continues to elude a similar fate.

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Maybe it’s because he habitually involves himself in Black people problems that have jack shit to do with him; maybe it’s because he came for Janet Jackson; maybe it’s because he got dragged by Meek Mill; or maybe it’s because he’s the worst kind of white man.

Look, I don’t make the rules; all I know is I don’t particularly care for that motherfucker, either. I also know that there’s a certain six-foot, ten-inch, 11-time All-Star who would love nothing more than to beat the brakes off of his ass and I’m not quite sure how I feel about it.

On Tuesday, “He Who Shall Never Be Melanated No Matter How Hard He Tries” took to social media to expose a silent war with Kevin Durant that nobody even knew existed.

“I receive threats and disgusting messages DAILY, but never in my wildest dreams did I think [Durant] would be among them,” he tweeted. “The [snake] himself is now threatening me, bringing up my wife and wants to fight. This is supposed to be America’s sweetheart right?”

Rapaport’s tweet included a collection of screenshots in which Durant refers to him as a “pale pasty cum guzzling bitch,” a “pussy,” a “fucking pale cock sucker,” and an assortment of other warm greetings you sadly won’t hear or see on Sesame Street.

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Oh, and Durant also threatened to spit in his face.

For the culture, of course.

According to the screenshots, their war of words began back in December when Rapaport clowned KD for this post-game interview with Charles Barkley after the Nets beat the Golden State Warriors. Immediately afterward, Rapaport took to Twitter to dismiss the Texas product as “super sensitive” and “deeply in his feelings,” and it appears that Durantula has had a burning desire to pound his face in since.

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After taking their marital discord public, the 51-year-old has essentially turned his Twitter feed into a shrine to the two-time NBA champ, since in a past life, they apparently used to be friends.

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But since that clearly isn’t the case anymore, this is the type of shit Rapaport has been tweeting out since Tuesday:

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But here’s why I’m conflicted. As much as my nachos and I enjoy a good old-fashioned, passionate ass-whooping, Durant’s penchant for entertaining internet foolishness makes him look like an internet fool. We’re talking about a dude who spends God knows how many hours of his day worried about what people he will never in life meet have to say about him.

Why?

These people literally live to get a reaction out of him, and time and time again, he gives these idiots exactly what they crave. For what? Imagine how goofy LeBron or Kobe would look spending hours of their day habitually doing this type of shit. It’s ridiculous.

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Since stepping my pinky toe into media back in 2016, I’ve had the luxury of being on the receiving end of all types of death threats, hate mail and hackers (those bitches actually got into my PayPal account last week) who would love nothing more than for me to acknowledge their existence. And you know what I do? Pay that bullshit no mind. Because the absolute worst thing you can do to somebody trying to knock you off your throne is to ignore them entirely.

Maybe this lovers’ quarrel between KD and White Mike hit different because they were cool in a past life, but Durant’s gotta stop constantly feeding the monster before it costs him an endorsement deal or even worse: his mental health.

Menace to supremacy. Founder of Extraordinary Ideas and co-host and producer of The Extraordinary Negroes podcast. Impatiently waiting for y'all to stop putting sugar in grits.

DISCUSSION

thirdamendmentman
ThirdAmendmentMan

Can both of these guys just please stop tweeting? And talking?

And yes, Kevin, that includes your 7 burners.