As someone who watches an absurd amount of basketball—thanks in part to the coronavirus and its evil stepsisters, Delta and Omicron—I have vivid memories of watching Russell Westbrook’s teammates throughout the years literally stare at the ball flying off the rim while twiddling their thumbs so that the nine-time NBA All-Star could snag the rebound and pad his stats.
Ladies and gentlemen, Exhibit A:
Additionally, I’ve also seen plenty of instances where the 2017 NBA MVP came out of nowhere to gobble up rebounds like Pac-Man pellets from his unsuspecting teammates.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present Exhibit B:
There have also been instances where Brodie—man, just watch this shit:
So when Westbrook’s name comes up in the barbershop, it’s not exactly a surprise when the words “turnovers” or “staff stuffer” or “what the fuck is wrong with this nigga” soon follow. What is surprising is when one of his NBA peers, namely two-time All-Star Karl-Anthony Towns, calls the Lakers guard out and exposes the league’s worst-kept secret: That Westbrook is guilty of about 8,204,375 charges of aggravated box score abuse.
“He definitely gets stats,” Towns told Twitch streamer Adin Ross. “He chases stats. But I think he’s a hell of a player, though. I don’t care what anyone says—you know how hard it is to get a triple-double? You know how hard it is? And he plays hella hard. I just think that sometimes he plays too quick. He tries to do too much.”
I mean, he ain’t lying, but I would imagine dragging another NBA player on a public forum is kinda like telling your friends about your Mom’s lopsided wig while playing spades. That shit ain’t gonna go over well with your family. (You brought those puncture wounds upon yourself.)
To that end, Towns’ comments unsurprisingly drew the ire of his NBA brethren, with Golden State Warriors forward Draymond Green among the first to clap back on Reverend Pastor Deacon Westbrook’s behalf.
“I once watched from the bench due to us beating the Twolves ass and he was in the game down 20 with 2 mins to go,” Green sniped on Instagram. “Come on man. Stop talking to people about the “bros” and yelling this is a “brotherhood”. SMH”
In the spirit of taking that same energy and dousing it with diesel fuel, we have Towns’ archnemesis Joel Embiid, who pulled a grand total of zero punches while returning his own salvo in defense of Westbrook hoarding stats like a doomsday prepper.
“Imagine talking after a 20 pts loss. You hate to see it lmao,” Embiid posted on Instagram. “Go ahead using that pic of me caring about losing in the 2nd round OF THE PLAYOFFS. Oh wait, you’ve never been there. You don’t know what is like. No (cap) boy finally won 3 games and he’s talking and I know you ain’t talking. You’ve been a pussy your whole life. That’s why you were treated like a bitch boy by you know who. I ain’t gonna put out your business [but] I got the facts about you. Don’t get it twisted, I OWN YOU.”
Well, goddamn. If my friends don’t ride for me like this, I don’t want them.
Call it a hunch, but I think Towns will be a bit more careful when discussing family business in public moving forward.